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Michael Scott

98 quotesEntrepreneur · United States Of America · Male

All humor (6)Work (4)Love (4)misworded (3)Drug (2)Prison Mike (2)first (2)contradictory (2)information (2)New York City (2)Office (2)Second (2)Friendship (2)Friends (2)boss (2)

From “The Office”

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

The Office humor

From “The Injury”

I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.

special treatment family member physical trauma too much to ask

I want you to rub butter on my foot...Pam, please? I have Country Crock.

butter Foot Country Crock Pain Relief

I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to…

breakfast Bed Smell Bacon George Foreman Grill

From “Pilot”

This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.

receptionist Cute years Younger

I guess the attitude that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.

Attitude Create Friend boss entertainer

No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.

downsizing Patient cancer don't tell

It's simply beyond words. It's incalculable.

simply Beyond incalculable Words

From “Diversity Day”

Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Abraham Lincoln North Principles work place

That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.

Offensive lame environment welcoming Get Out

Is there something besides 'Mexican' you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?

Offensive Mexican Preference Question

From “Basketball”

I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!

sinking nothing but net african american jaws

From “Sexual Harassment”

I don't come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.

forward Arrest Guy passing drugs

Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.

Human Resources corporate Family divorced

From “Office Olympics”

I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

early bird night owl Early Bird Gets The Worm

I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.

would not miss it World not go contradictory

From “The Fight”

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

feared Loved Both

From “The Client”

Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.

cold train dead Stiff expressionless

From “Christmas Party”

Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

reverse psychology Psychology

Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.’

presents Care Love dollars Money

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