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Michael Scott

98 quotesEntrepreneur · United States Of America · Male

All humor (6)Work (4)Love (4)misworded (3)Drug (2)Prison Mike (2)first (2)contradictory (2)information (2)New York City (2)Office (2)Second (2)Friendship (2)Friends (2)boss (2)

From “Phyllis' Wedding”

They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Wedding Cake Flash let them eat cake Margaret Thatcher Marriage

Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.

Webster Dictionary wedding welding fuse

From “The Negotiation”

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

Wikipedia Best Thing World subject best possible

From “Safety Training”

Dwight you ignorant sl**.

Iconic ignorant Slut

From “Women's Appreciation”

Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.

Man understands Women Fool

From “Beach Games”

I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.

beautiful memory Staff New York suck

About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.

Sick Symptoms Concerned Sick Day

If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus...Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.

back of the bus front of the bus drive the bus racist

From “The Job”

Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.

Bad Relationships Love is a mystery

From “Fun Run”

Ryan: Did this happen on company property? Michael: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine. Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?

Jeopardy I'm Fine

Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

liked praised Need Want

I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.

hospital save Okay Anticlimactic

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.

Flaws sing in showe volunterring sue me Car

I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

Superstitious little stitous Words

From “Launch Party”

I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.

Hate terrible don't like it

From “Money”

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

Responsibilities Running Away From Your Problems

From “Local Ad”

When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.

Unicorns Young Mind

From “Survivor Man”

Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.

Wrinkles racism Crack Drug

From “The Deposition”

Friends joke with one another. 'Hey, you're poor.' 'Hey, your momma's dead.' That's what friends do.

Friendship Best Friends Friends

From “Goodbye, Toby”

You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?

Cheating Don't Cheat

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