50 Hilarious ‘Anti-Jokes’ That Will Offend Literally Everyone

“Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“You know it’s cold when you go outside and it’s cold.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“‘Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains.’ ‘That’s the least of your worries. You’re HIV-positive.’”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why did the mushroom go to the party? It didn’t. Do you know why? Because it’s a fucking mushroom.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. After a nice evening, they all leave with a deeper appreciation for each other’s religions.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“If there are three apples, and Johnny takes away three of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“What’s meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“How do you get two whales in a car? You can’t. Whales are enormous creatures and will not fit in something as relatively small as a car.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘So what will it be this time?’ The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“If Dave has 50 chocolate bars and eats 45, what does he have left? Diabetes. Dave has diabetes.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer’s, cheese on toast.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here, isn’t it?’ The other blonde was dead so she could not respond.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“What did the Hungarian say before he went to bed? ‘I’m going to bed,’ but he said it in Hungarian.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common? Both are not a lamp.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why can’t Michael Jackson play table tennis? Because he’s dead.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc