Quotes tagged ‘Jew’

(18 total)

“If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?”

“I'm not a practicing Jew. I perfected it.”

— Zach Galifianakis, Scott Aukerman, Himself, Paul Rudd, imdb.com

“They're not Jew curls. They belong to the whole region.”

— Minhal Baig , Ramy, Ramy Youssef, imdb.com

“Karl Zielinski: There is another opening in the Engineer Training Program. Mary Jackson: Flat head rivets would reduce wind drag. Karl Zielinski: Mary, a person with engineer’s mind should be an engineer. You can’t be a computer the rest of your life. Mary Jackson: Mr. Zielinski, I’m a Negro woman.…”

— Allison Schroeder, Theodore Melfi, Al Harrison, Kevin Costner, imdb.com

“Our friend and associate Hyman Roth is in the news. The High Court of Israel turned down his request to live there as a returning Jew. He landed in Buenos Aires last night offering a 'gift' of a million dollars if they'd let him stay. They said no. His passport's been invalidated, except for his ret…”

— Francis Ford Coppola, Mario Puzo, Al Neri, Richard Bright, imdb.com

“I am a retired investor on a pension, and I wished to live there as a Jew in the twilight of my life.”

— Francis Ford Coppola, Mario Puzo, Hyman Roth, Lee Strasberg, imdb.com

“Larry: Yeah. Small price to pay for the best sex that I ever had, anywhere! This woman is amazing. Marty: So when did your orgasm. When she said she'll fuck the Jew out of you?”

— Larry David, Marty Funkhouser, Bob Einstein, imdb.com

“Larry: So your last name is 'Black?' Loretta Black: Yes. Larry: That's like if my last name was 'Jew,' like Larry Jew”

— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com

“Dalilah: I don't know, you remind me of my college history teacher. Larry: Was he an avuncular, bald Jew?”

— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com

“You're my favorite little jewie this side of saint louie.”

— Naomi Ekperigin, Anthony King, Jen Statsky, Abbi Abrams, Abbi Jacobson, imdb.com

“What we are like religious Jews?”

— Micah Fitzerman-Blue, Noah Harpster, Shelly Pfefferman, Judith Light, imdb.com

“No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.”

— Don Rickles, esquire.com

“You are a politician. Black, white, Jew, gentile, we’re all working for one cause: to figure out how you became governor.”

— Don Rickles, washingtonexaminer.com

“Mrs. Cartman: Eric, I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother. She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty-mouth. Cartman: That's a bunch of crap. Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. After a nice evening, they all leave with a deeper appreciation for each other’s religions.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“The Ten Commandments are the most visible symbol because these commandments are recognized by Christians and Jews alike as being the foundation of our system of public morality.”

— Pat Robertson, beliefnet.com

“What do you call a Jew who eats pork? Jew-ish.”

— Kieran2820, reddit.com

“Why did the Jew open the coffee shop? Hebrews.”

— kevkev667, reddit.com