Season 1

“Frasier: I asked Dad to get me a bran muffin. You know what he said to me? 'What's the magic word?' Niles: You're kidding. Frasier: He didn't think it was very amusing when I said, 'Rest home!'”

— Peter Casey, David Angell, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.”

— Jerry Perzigian, Don Seigel, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys; but this is an imposition.”

— Linda Morris, Vic Rauseo, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny.”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Martin Crane, John Mahoney, imdb.com

“My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting 'Heathcliff!' across the moors!”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“I really must go. I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Roz Doyle, Peri Gilpin, imdb.com

“My grandfather used to nap every afternoon. He lived to be 93.”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Daphne Moon, Jane Leeves, imdb.com

“Frasier: I just don't think it's very smart to make rude gestures at other drivers. Martin: He cut you off! Frasier: That doesn't matter. You do not antagonize a man whose bumper sticker says: 'If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!'”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“You see, I was clinging to a life that wasn't working, and I knew I had to do something, anything.”

— David Lee, Peter Casey, David Angell, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Frasier: God, I hate lawyers. Niles: Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall. Niles: That is alarming. Frasier: Well, I turned her down. Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“I really must run. I'm due at my sexual addiction group, and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“Hey, for your information, people of our generation think sex is a private thing. And I still think that's a pretty healthy way of looking at it. Sex is something between you and the person you're doing it to!”

— Molly Newman, Martin Crane, John Mahoney, imdb.com

“Frasier: Oh my God! This is unbelievable! A man has quit his job because of a rumor that you spread! Roz: Me? The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Roz Doyle, Peri Gilpin, imdb.com

“Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, I'm 41. That's hardly middle-aged. Middle age is more like 50, 55. Dr. Niles Crane: Only if you live to be 110.”

— Sy Dukane, Denise Moss, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com