Season 2

“Jill: Why are you so fascinated with fighting? I don't want anybody to beat anybody up. What is wrong with you people? You make me sick. I just want you to love each other, you big bunch of jerks. Tim: [to Brad and Randy] Er, you satisfied? You know she was talking to you two.”

— Billy Riback, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

“If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.”

— Howard Michael Gould, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Tim: I didn't bug you during childbirth. Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.”

— Howard J. Morris, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

“Tim: I go to the opera with you. Jill: Oh, once. I've sat through three Rambo movies. When was the last time you took me to a foreign film? Tim: Didn't we just see Le Robocop?”

— Billy Riback, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Jill: Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines? Wilson: Without a doubt. Although, I am awfully fond of my waffle maker. Jill: Well could you please tell that to the knucklehead I'm married to? Wilson: Oh, he knows. He's had my waffles.”

— B.K. Taylor, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

“Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you. Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me? Jill: Oh no one, you know, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, the minister, the post man, some guy down at the mail box, you know, oh and Sheila, who said to me, 'Don't marry…”

— Maxine Lapiduss, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'. Jill: It's that bad, huh? Tim: His mother recorded his whole life on video tape. Last night it was three hours of Muskie Fishing With Uncle Phil. Did you know that in the seventh grade he built a replica of the Washington Monu…”

— Billy Riback, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'”

— B.K. Taylor, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain. Mark: What's man pain? Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.”

— Howard J. Morris, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com