Mike Bloomberg's 30-Year-Old Wit and Wisdom Leaks, Showing Debatable Wit and Distinctive Lack of Wisdom

by Mike Bloomberg, Jordan Hoffman(10 total)

Whenever my wife catches me eyeing some broad, she’s very careful to turn to me and say, ‘That’s the most expensive piece of ass in the world!’

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Wife Cheating Divorce Piece of Ass

The Royal Family — what a bunch of misfits — a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian, and a kid who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Royal Family Koo Stark Homophobia Lesbian

There are two things I’d love to do more — have more birthdays and pay more taxes. If you have more birthdays, it’s obviously because you haven’t died yet, and if you pay more taxes, it’s clearly because you’re making more money.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Birthdays Taxes

If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

jesus Jew Puerto Rican

The three biggest lies are: the check’s in the mail, I’ll respect you in the morning, and I’m glad I’m Jewish.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

big lie Check's in the Mail Jewish

If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of Bloomingdale’s.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Women Brains beauty Bloomingdale

I make it a rule never to go to Queens — and since that eliminates both airports I don’t travel a great deal.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Queens JFK Airport Laguardia Airport

Everyone I know who is successful loves what they do. The question is: are they successful because they love what they do, or do they love what they do because they are successful? I don’t know. I suspect it’s a combination of both.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Success Satisfaction

You know, there’s a federal law that prohibits the serving of good food west of 12th Avenue — look it up.

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

West Side Federal Law

When the Wall Street Journal article came out saying I was profane, my dear old mother called me to ask me if it was true. ‘Ma,’ I said, ‘Fuck 'em!’

— Mike Bloomberg, vanityfair.com

Wall Street Journal profane Fuck 'Em

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