“Whenever my wife catches me eyeing some broad, she’s very careful to turn to me and say, ‘That’s the most expensive piece of ass in the world!’”Tagged: Wife, Cheating, Divorce, Piece of Ass
“The Royal Family — what a bunch of misfits — a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian, and a kid who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad.”Tagged: Royal Family, Koo Stark, Homophobia, Lesbian
“There are two things I’d love to do more — have more birthdays and pay more taxes. If you have more birthdays, it’s obviously because you haven’t died yet, and if you pay more taxes, it’s clearly because you’re making more money.”Tagged: Birthdays, Taxes
“The three biggest lies are: the check’s in the mail, I’ll respect you in the morning, and I’m glad I’m Jewish.”Tagged: big lie, Check's in the Mail, Jewish
“If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of Bloomingdale’s.”Tagged: Women, Brains, beauty, Bloomingdale
“I make it a rule never to go to Queens — and since that eliminates both airports I don’t travel a great deal.”Tagged: Queens, JFK Airport, Laguardia Airport
“Everyone I know who is successful loves what they do. The question is: are they successful because they love what they do, or do they love what they do because they are successful? I don’t know. I suspect it’s a combination of both.”Tagged: Success, Satisfaction
“You know, there’s a federal law that prohibits the serving of good food west of 12th Avenue — look it up.”Tagged: West Side, Federal Law
“When the Wall Street Journal article came out saying I was profane, my dear old mother called me to ask me if it was true. ‘Ma,’ I said, ‘Fuck 'em!’”Tagged: Wall Street Journal, profane, Fuck 'Em
“If you really believe that you're making a difference and that you can leave a legacy of better schools and jobs and safer streets, why would you not spend the money? The objective is to improve the schools, bring down crime, build affordable housing, clean the streets—not to have a fair fight.”Tagged: schools, Crime, affordable housing
“You don't make spending decisions, investment decisions, hiring decisions, or whether-you're-going-to-look-for-a-job decisions when you don't know what's going to happen.”Tagged: Decision Making, Uncertainty
“Every one of my positions cuts out half the country. I'm pro-choice, I'm pro-gay rights, I'm pro-immigration, I'm against guns, I believe in Darwin.”Tagged: Pro-Choice, gay rights, Gun Control, Immigration, Darwin
“You have to take away some of tax breaks for the wealthy, and you have to cut back on some entitlements. Because, unless we do all of these things, it just doesn't work. And what's good theater and what's good politics isn't necessarily good economic policy.”Tagged: tax breaks, entitlements
“Whatever you may think of the proposed mosque and community center, lost in the heat of the debate has been a basic question: Should government attempt to deny private citizens the right to build a house of worship on private property based on their particular religion?”Tagged: Ground Zero Mosque
“One of the great dangers here is going and categorizing anybody from one religion as a terrorist. That's not true... That would let the terrorists win. That's what they want us to do.”Tagged: Islam, Terrorism
“The public is upset. If they haven't lost their job, they know somebody that has. If they haven't lost their house, they know somebody that has. What do you do? When something's wrong, it's government's job to fix it, it must be government that's responsible for causing it.”Tagged: recession
“Taxes are not good things, but if you want services, somebody's got to pay for them so they're a necessary evil.”Tagged: Taxes, Necessary Evil
“I don't know why you should be proud of something. It doesn't make you any better or worse. You are what you are.”Tagged: Pride