Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

by Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Franchesca Clifford, David A. Goodman, Dan Sterling and 9 others(11 total)

While the boys are waiting for the school bus, Cartman explains the odd nightmare he had the previous night involving alien visitors abducting him from his bed. Meanwhile Kyle and Stan try to convince Cartman that the dream was in fact a reality.

Characters

Trey Parker (13)Matt Stone (11)Eric Cartman (5)Stan Marsh (3)Kyle Broflovski (3)

Kyle: [speaking to aliens] V-Visitors? This morning you took my brother, Ike. [sad, dramatic music begins playing] He's a little freckled kid that looks like a football. At first, I was happy you took him away, but I've learned something today: That having a little brother is a pretty special thing.…

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

family members Aliens Loss Fuck fuckers

Stan: Thanks for your help, Wendy. Wendy: Whatever, dude. I promise me you'll be here. Stan: Hey, I didn't throw up. Wendy: Cool! We're always be together. [She's happy now. They both look at each other like they're going to kiss, and romantic music plays. Wendy puckers up. Stan gets queasy and vomi…

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Vomit Friendship Love

Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature! [Cartman simultaneously farts fire and a satellite dish comes out of his bottom]

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

ass jokes Immature

Kyle: Well, it looks like she's not going to show up, Stan. Let's go look for the visitors, now. Stan: But her note said she'd be here. [Wendy appears out of nowhere] Wendy: Hi, Stan. want to catch. [Stan sees Wendy, then throws up] Eww! Kyle: You can't talk to Stan, Wendy. He throws up when you do.…

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

stood up

[after seeing a crop circle on the news that looks just like him] Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tom Selleck Crop Circle

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do! Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us. Ms. Crabtree: [shouts] WHAT DID YOU SAY? Stan: I said, 'Rabbits eat lettuce.' Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

Fat-Shaming Misheard

Kyle: [into Cartman's ear] Hey, if you visitors can hear me, bring me back my little brother, goddamn it! Cartman: Ow, that hurt, you buttlicker!

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

Screaming earache

Kyle: Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! Ike: Don't kick the baby! Kyle: Kick the baby. [kicks Ike across the street, knocking over a row of mailboxes]

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

baby kicking

Ms. Crabtree: SHUT UP BACK THERE! ARRRGGGHHH!!! Stan: Yeah, whatever, ya fat bitch. Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Stan: I said, 'I have a bad itch.' Ms. Crabtree: Oh.

— Matt Stone, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Fat-Shaming fat bitch shut up

Chef: [gets out of his car] Hello there, children! Boys: Hey, Chef! Stan: What's going to be for lunch today, Chef? Chef: Well, today, it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green-bean casserole or vegetable medley. Cartman: Kick ass.

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Chef Salisbury Steak Kick Ass

Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature!

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Anal Humor Fart Jokes Sick Immature

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