“What’s the difference between men and women? Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife? A wife accepts credit cards.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Will you marry me = a marriage proposal. Will, you, Mary, me? = A foursome inquiry.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I'm pretty sure I married someone else's soul mate. If only they'd come around and take him off my hands.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Yes, of course I want to get married, but does that mean I'm not allowed to go out and have a good time? Am I supposed to just marry any schmuck that comes along?”— Chelsea Handler, amazon.com
“A husband died. A few years later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you!" The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."”— NotOCD2, reddit.com
“There is latent homophobia in our community. They tried to say that being gay is a sin, and I said that adultery is a sin. Adultery is responsible for breaking up more marriages, but do we put that in the Constitution? It's absurd.”— Al Sharpton, nysun.com
“I don't understand how people have multiple lovers. Isn't one a big enough headache?”— Blanca Moreno ✒️, instagram.com
“You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.”— Tommy Dewey, Michaela Watkins, Valerie, Michaela Watkins, imdb.com
“Committing to another human being's wounds, past, present, and future, is a great challenge but also the most rewarding experience one can have in this life. That's why marriage is a cornerstone of The Movement.”— Julia Brownell, Cal Roberts, Hugh Dancy, imdb.com
“Well, we were engaged to be married, uh, we bought the wedding invitations, and, uh, yada yada yada, I'm still single.”— Jill Franklyn, Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?”— Jennifer Crittenden, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com