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Jennifer Crittenden

29 quotesScreenwriter · Born Aug 29, 1969 · United States Of America · Female

Jennifer Crittenden (born August 29, 1969) is an American screenwriter and producer. She started her writing career on the animated television series The Simpsons, and has since written for several other television sitcoms including Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld. Her work has earned her several Emmy Award nominations. 2Personal life Crittenden was born on August 29, 1969. She was educated at The Thacher School in Ojai, California. She graduated from Wesleyan University in 1992. Crittenden was married to fellow writer Jace Richdale for three years; they separated in 1998. 2Career Crittenden has written five episodes for The Simpsons, the first being "And Maggie Makes Three" (1995) and the latest being "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson" (1997). Crittenden was taking a beginners' writing program at 20th Century Fox when former The Simpsons show runner David Mirkin hired her on the show. Crittenden's only writing experience before that had been as an intern on the Late Show with David Letterma

All Nudity (3)Selfies (2)Dating (2)Cockfights (2)12 Steps (1)Laws (1)Future (1)Jail (1)Industrialist (1)enough pain (1)Threats (1)Sultan of Swat (1)Loose (1)hair (1)American Gladiators (1)

From “The Package”

How I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day when I would have the proof I needed to haul you out of your cushy lair and expose to the light of justice as the monster that you are.

Revenge Sadism Justice

That's it, George. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man.

Photo Shoots Selfies Erotic Photography Inhibitions

It's the timeless art of seduction. You got to join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.

seduction Selfies

From “The Little Jerry”

I couldn't get there in time to stop it, but you should have seen Little Jerry, Jerry! Flappin' his wings and struttin' his stuff! He was peckin' and weavin' and bobbin' and talkin' trash! He didn't even have to touch him! The other rooster ran out of the ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.

Cockfighting Little Jerry Seinfeld Talking Trash

Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?

Cockfights Marriage Adulting

Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?

Baldness Shaved Heads hair

I've tried it straight, Jerry. We've all seen the results. For me, sick is the only way to go.

Ex-Cons Dysfunctional Relationships Dating

Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like ‘American Gladiators.’

Cockfights American Gladiators

Oh my God...you're in jail? That is so cool!

Jail Dating

From “The Millennium”

Jerry: Hello, Newman. Newman: Hello, Jerry.

Hello Newman

We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Ah, what d'you make of that? Hey, check this out. Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you…

Babe Ruth Sultan of Swat Lou Gehrig baseball Future

It's taken me thirteen years to climb up to the top of that speed dial, and I don't intend to lose my spot to you.

Speed Dial Competition

All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!

Self-deprecation

So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?

incompetence

From “The Apology”

We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked.

Nudity Breakups

When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.

Coughing Nudity

Well, the female body is a...work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a Jeep.

Nudity Female Body Male Body Jeep

All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater."

Apologies Big Heads insults 12 Steps

From “The Burning”

David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?

Hell Torture Devils Suffering Hades

The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Lights? Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would…

Acting Class Medical Students Gonorrhea Urination

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