“Guys are pretty simple minded creatures. As long as you can make him feel like the strongest, most handsome, sexiest guy in the world, you’ll have him eating out of the palm of your hand.”Tagged: Kissing, compliments, Handsome, Sexy
“In order to get a guy’s attention, you have to be a flirtatious sexpot. You have to turn on your sexy giggle every time he says something even remotely funny, play with your hair, tease him a little bit, give him your best ‘come hither’ look, bite down your lower lip, unabashedly blush, and pretend…”Tagged: Kissing, flirtatious, teasing, Shy
“Good oral hygiene is an important aspect of life in general, especially when you’re trying to get a guy to kiss you! If your mouth smells rancid, there is no way he’s going to lean in for the kill. Always keep some mints in your purse to pop after eating or drinking anything. Avoid chewing gum…”Tagged: Kissing, hygiene, Mints, Gum, Breath
“I've just been I haven't been sleeping because I got these birds outside my window and they're going, 'Chirp, chirp, chirp,' constantly, and you know, is it wrong that I just want them to die?”Tagged: Birds, Frustration
“It's like watching yourself go through life a second time, only this time you're just a voice, and you never know if anyone is ever listening to you.”
“And instead I got Samsungs and meatballs and drills, and I just wanted to come home, sit at a table, open up my journal that the girl from Clover said is ethical and eco-friendly, because it's made from the hide of sheep that died from old age, and I just wanted to map out how I was gonna make my…”Tagged: Samsung, Meatballs, Ethical, Eco-friendly
“I would tell the students what a thankless fucking job this is, and not to waste their money learning about things that nobody wants to hear about, even when they're paying you to say 'em.”Tagged: Teaching, Futility, Honesty, Teachers
“I just I'm gonna have to get half a portion of food or, like, a side salad so I look good naked and the whole time I'm gonna be thinking about how hungry I am and how I can't wait for him to finish so I can hurry up and pick up a burrito.”Tagged: Dieting, Salad, Sex, Burrito, Hunger
“Alex, this guy is like raw plutonium radiating poison into my skin and breaking me down with his toxic lack of self-awareness.”Tagged: Plutonium, Radiation, poison, Self-awareness, Toxic People
“Nothing makes me happy. I mean, I have moments where I'm not unhappy, but those are just—more and more rare.”Tagged: Sadness, Depression, Ennui, Happiness
“When I was a kid, I wanted to study earthquakes because I was so terrified of when the big one would hit. I felt like if I could predict it, then I would feel so much safer.”Tagged: Earthquakes, Fear
“Um I feel like this asshole who's just throwing pebbles at the window of your halfway house and begging you to come out and do an eightball with me, and nobody likes that guy, including that guy.”Tagged: Crack, Crackheads, Addicts
“You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.”Tagged: Sex, Marriage, Divorce
“If anyone still wants to sleep with me, then they're just gonna have to settle, I guess.”Tagged: Pregnancy, Episiotomy
“I cheated on you because I wanted to be with someone that could just drag me down as far as I could go.”Tagged: Cheating, Self-Esteem