Quotes tagged ‘joke’

“My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works...”

— Cameron Crowe, David Aames, Tom Cruise, imdb.com

“Carl Fredricksen: This is crazy. I finally meet my childhood hero and he's trying to kill us. What a joke. Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, 'I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.' Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.”

— Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Tom McCarthy, Carl Fredricksen (voice), Ed Asner, imdb.com

“If my hands were a lie I'd lie to you while we laid upon the bed we made. If my lips were a joke I fooled you and broke, every touch is a lie and a good feels like goodbye.”

— Carlie Hanson, open.spotify.com

“Pam Beesly: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? Jim Halpert: I think I'm a little too busy these days to s— Oh, my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.”

— Bryan Cranston, Jim Halpert, John Krasinski, imdb.com

“At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month…”

— Bryan Cranston, Dwight Schrute, Rainn Wilson, imdb.com

“Deangelo Vickers: Dwight. What's your take? Dwight Schrute: What's the argument here? NBA, WMBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all. Deangelo Vickers: Man, you're smart!”

— Charlie Grandy, Dwight Schrute, Rainn Wilson, imdb.com

“Brisco County Jr.: Which one of you is Aristotle Poole? Socrates Poole: That's Socrates Poole. Brisco County Jr.: Oh, sorry. I guess that's a common mistake. Socrates Poole: Not at all. Brisco County Jr.: Well, it is if you flunked Greek philosophy two years in a row.”

— David Simkins, Carlton Cuse, Brisco County, Jr., Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Private Foreskin at your cervix!”

— John Ridley, Yinka, Gbenga Akinnagbe, imdb.com

“Jack: Oh, hey, Esther. How you doing? Esther: Ugh, I got in a fight last night. But on the upside, the tooth fairy came.”

— Craig Doyle, Ashley Jack Gordon, Joel Mchale, imdb.com

“[jokingly, whispering to rose as she lies on top of floating door] I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.”

— James Cameron, Jack Dawson, Leonardo Dicaprio, imdb.com

“What the fuck you looking at? Come on. Make that coffee to go. Let's go. [Frankie mumbles something and goes to the door with the coffee pot in his hand] What the fuck are you doing? It's a joke! A joke! Put the fucking pot down!”

— Nicholas Pileggi, Martin Scorsese, Tommy DeVito, Joe Pesci, imdb.com

“People hide things from one another. They lie, they joke, they tell you what they think you want to hear.”

— Joshua Safran, Miranda Shaw, Aunjanue Ellis, imdb.com

“Issa: Trying to fuck is hard. Molly: No it's not. It's like riding a bike. Issa: Yeah, I don't know how to do that either.”

— Dayna Lynne North, Issa Dee, Issa Rae, imdb.com

“Granted, having sex with me isn't amazing, but it's like, 'Huh... Okay. Yeah, I'm satisfied. I'd do that again.'”

— Regina Y. Hicks, Ben Cory Jones, Issa Dee, Issa Rae, imdb.com

“Molly: One day I looked up and my dick meter was all the way on E. Issa: Join the club, bitch. Dick on E, bank account on E. Life on E.”

— Issa Rae, Issa Dee, Issa Rae, imdb.com

“Tiffany: I taste stone fruit. Molly: And a little bit of pepper. Issa: I taste wine.”

— Issa Rae, Issa Dee, Issa Rae, imdb.com

“Well, it isn’t a homecoming until someone calls you a puta, right?”

— Tanya Saracho, Lyn, Melissa Barrera, imdb.com

“Friend: Let's go somewhere else. Eddy: Where? You know I don't like places!”

— Evangeline Ordaz, Nancy C. Mejia, Eddy, Ser Anzoategui, imdb.com

“Lyn: I knew it. Emma: Okay. Lyn: I totally knew it. Emma: Then why didn't you say anything? Lyn: Why didn't you say anything? Emma: When do we ever say anything? Lyn: God, that's so true. That's sad, we should say stuff.”

— Evangeline Ordaz, Nancy C. Mejia, Lyn, Melissa Barrera, imdb.com

“Debbie: These are allergies. Annie: And what are you allergic to, Mom? Debbie: Senior year.”

— Jennie Snyder Urman, Debbie Wilson, Lori Loughlin, imdb.com