“Huge 'Hurley' Reyes: What's that thing where doctors make you feel better just by talking to you? Jack Shephard: Bedside manner? Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: Yeah, that. Yours sucks, dude.”— Damon Lindelof, Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Jorge Garcia, imdb.com
“[to Sawyer] You try to be a pig, or does it come naturally?”— Paul Dini, Jennifer Johnson, Kate Austen, Evangeline Lilly, imdb.com
“I'm a complex guy, sweetheart.”— J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, James "Sawyer" Ford, Josh Holloway, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: Okay, don't panic. We'll just do what people did before the internet. We can play charades. Chris Griffin: Oh, you mean like your marriage? Peter Griffin: [annoyed] Chris, I told you that in confidence.”— Damien Fahey, Chris Griffin (voice), Seth Green, imdb.com
“I'm planning on dying tonight. What are *your* plans?”— Joseph Lee, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: Oh, hey Lois. I guess you must be happy. Lois Griffin: Yeah, it's every girl's dream to have her husband hoisted out of a food truck in a horse harness.”— Joseph Lee, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com
“Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn't sound so much like a fucking power sander?”— Seth MacFarlane, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.”— Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Lois Griffin: Peter, did you rob a bunch of people on the beach with your metal detector? Peter Griffin: Well, that's only half the story. I also hooted at a lady who was breastfeeding.”— Seth MacFarlane, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Hey, you know this old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, she didn't know what to do? I got something she could do. Get your tubes tied, you kook!”— Richard Appel, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Wait, how could a musical festival chick like two guys?”— Richard Appel, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me and a little more mad at the guys growing mustaches for this month. Brian Griffin: Hey, don't mock Mo-vember. Last year, I raised eight dollars and got on a BuzzFeed listicle. Peter Griffin: No! You use real words! Internet stuff is n…”— Richard Appel, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.”— Richard Appel, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Chris Griffin: Hey, Dad, are you busy? I was thinking we could spend some time together. Peter Griffin: Okay, are you a television set of the Internet? Chris Griffin: No. Peter Griffin: Oh, then no.”— Shawn Reis, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter, what'd I say about you volunteering me for shit?”— Pete Michels, Glenn Quagmire, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Joe Swanson: What were you doing last night? Peter Griffin: Fucking your mother.”— Chris Sheridan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Sometimes in life, you just have to accept what's coming to you. Like the contestant who gets the lesser showcase on ''The Price is Right''.”— Gary Janetti, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star. With that kind of willpower, don't you think you can learn how to put the bottle down, just sometimes? Peter Griffin: We did it with Justin Long, didn't we? America said no but we kept at…”— Brian Scully, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“It was beauty that killed the beast.”— Cherry Chevapravatdumrong, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“[to Meg] If there was a God would He give you a smokin' hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter?”— Danny Smith, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com