Anonymous

449 quotes

“Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: Beef Jerky.”

“Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow? A: Milk of Amnesia.”

“Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work.”

“Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.”

“Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.”

“Q: What did mama cow say to baby cow? A: It's pasture bedtime.”

“Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.”

“Q: What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Good morning, Your Honor.”

“Q: What do a lawyer and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one in a million chance of being human.”

“Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.”

“Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.”

“Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other.”

“Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.”

“Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.”

“Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.”

“Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, lawyers only screw us.”

“Q: How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside? A: A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.”

“Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.”

“Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, it wants to cluck defiance.”