It’s always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun.
Catalog
Brené Brown
Brené Brown (born November 18, 1965) is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Over the last fifteen years she has been involved in research on a range of topics, including vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. She is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), Daring Greatly (2012), and Rising Strong (2015). She and her work have been featured on PBS, NPR, TED, and CNN. 2Early life and education Brown was born in San Antonio, Texas and spent a formative period in New Orleans, Louisiana. Brown was baptized in the Episcopal church and then later brought up Catholic. She left the church for two decades, and later returned to it with her husband and children. She completed her Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) at the University of Texas at Austin in 1995, followed by a Master of Social Work (MSW) in 1996 and Ph.D. from the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston in 2002. 2Career Brown began her career as a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Her research focuses on authentic leadership and wholeheartedness in families, schools, and organizations. She presented a 2012 TED talk and two 2010 TEDx talk
When I see people stand fully in their truth, or when I see someone fall down, get back up, and say, ‘Damn. That really hurt, but this is important to me and I’m going in again’—my gut reaction is, ‘What a badass.
We don't have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.
I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage…
Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.
People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.
There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed. Emotional stoicism is not badassery. Blustery posturing is not…
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.
Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Even making a valid point doesn't warrant using shame or intentionally putting someone on the spot in front of other people.
You cannot shame or belittle people into changing. This means we can't use self-hate to lose weight, we can't shame ourselves into becoming better parents and we can't belittle ourselves or our families into becoming who we need them to be. Putting people on the 'loser board' doesn't work. Shame…
You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Perfectionism is very addictive because it is very seductive. It’s so great to think ‘There’s a way I can do things where I can never be held in judgment by other people, that I can totally escape criticism.’ But it doesn’t work.