Shame loses power when it is spoken.
Catalog
Brené Brown
Brené Brown (born November 18, 1965) is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Over the last fifteen years she has been involved in research on a range of topics, including vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. She is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), Daring Greatly (2012), and Rising Strong (2015). She and her work have been featured on PBS, NPR, TED, and CNN. 2Early life and education Brown was born in San Antonio, Texas and spent a formative period in New Orleans, Louisiana. Brown was baptized in the Episcopal church and then later brought up Catholic. She left the church for two decades, and later returned to it with her husband and children. She completed her Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) at the University of Texas at Austin in 1995, followed by a Master of Social Work (MSW) in 1996 and Ph.D. from the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston in 2002. 2Career Brown began her career as a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Her research focuses on authentic leadership and wholeheartedness in families, schools, and organizations. She presented a 2012 TED talk and two 2010 TEDx talk
Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.
Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.
We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we're afraid to let them see it in us. We're afraid that our truth isn't enough - that what we have to offer isn't enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing.
Research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other…
Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.
If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.
It’s always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun.
We don't have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.
Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Even making a valid point doesn't warrant using shame or intentionally putting someone on the spot in front of other people.
You cannot shame or belittle people into changing. This means we can't use self-hate to lose weight, we can't shame ourselves into becoming better parents and we can't belittle ourselves or our families into becoming who we need them to be. Putting people on the 'loser board' doesn't work. Shame…
Honesty that's motivated by shame, anger, fear or hurt is not 'honesty.' It's shame, anger fear or hurt disguised as honesty.
One of the most important benefits of reaching out to others is learning that the experiences that make us feel the most alone are actually universal experiences.
You might argue that Ron is a batterer and that any language that softens or obscures this fact leaves him less accountable for his actions, but Ron will be more likely to accept responsibility and feel remorse if he can view himself as more than a batterer. For people to look squarely at their…
Are we using shame as punishment because we think it will foster real change in people? Or are we shaming others because it feels good to make people suffer when we are in fear, anger, or judgment?
The time has come to explore the possibility that we are safer in a world where people aren't mired in shame.