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Chris Knight

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All campus (2)archaisms (2)rue the day (2)Pyramid (1)Lust (1)Dipshit (1)Naked (1)sun god (1)yogurt (1)Suicide (1)Moles (1)Madame Curie (1)Mental Illness (1)Daughter (1)Sad (1)

From “Real Genius”

Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into…

Moles trolls Madame Curie hamsters

[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it] Chris Knight: Here Mitch, taste this. Go on, you won't hurt my feelings, just try it. What do you think, too sweet? Mitch: What is it? Chris Knight: I don't know, I found it in one of the labs. [Mitch starts to induce vomiting] Chris Knight:…

yogurt sweet

Mitch: But if I stay, what should I do? Chris Knight: You get even with Kent. It's a moral imperative.

Getting Even moral imperative

Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents? Mitch: No. Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me? Mitch: No, them. Jordan: Oh.

rue the day campus archaisms

[Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside] Chris Knight: Hey, Kent...that's your car. Mitch: Kent, you know you're not supposed to park that on campus. Kent: You've gone too far this time, Knight. Chris Knight: [whiny, scared voice] I had help! [points to Mitch] Kent: You, huh? Well you…

rue the day campus archaisms

Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives...to have sex.

environment Sex

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head? Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

Mental Illness

Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, how'd you do? Chris Knight: How'd I do? I passed! But I failed! Yeah! Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, then I'm happy and sad for you.

Passed failed Happy Sad

Sir, let me take this moment to compliment you on your fashion sense, particularly your slippers.

compliments fashion sense slippers

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab. Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Misunderstanding Double Entendre

Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened? Chris Knight: I got a haircut?

pacific tech einstein

This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

ice Sexual Frustration

Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates. Chris Knight: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O? Kent: You did not. Chris Knight: This is true. Kent: Look, it was hot and I was hungry, okay?

Jell-O degenerates Naked

Chris Knight: Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life? David Decker: She happens to be my daughter. Chris Knight: Oh. Then I guess you have.

Lust Daughter

Do you mind if I name my first child after you? ‘Dipshit Knight’ has a nice ring to it.

Dipshit

[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house] Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you—or, more to the point, to you—just let me know. Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? Chris Knight: Not right…

penis Dating Standards

Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning... Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Mitch: No... Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has…

Dream sun god Pyramid naked women

Mitch: What are you doing? Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, ‘... I drank what?’

Socrates self-realization hemlock Suicide

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