I’m waiting for them to invent a pleasure robot that’s so lifelike, it won’t have sex with me.
Catalog
Conan O'Brien
Conan Christopher O'Brien (born April 18, 1963) is an American television host, comedian, and television producer. He is best known for hosting several late-night talk shows; since 2010 he has hosted Conan on the cable channel TBS. O'Brien was born in Brookline, Massachusetts, and was raised in an Irish Catholic family. He served as president of The Harvard Lampoon while attending Harvard University, and was a writer for the sketch comedy series Not Necessarily the News. After writing for several comedy shows in Los Angeles, he joined the writing staff of Saturday Night Live. O'Brien was a writer and producer for The Simpsons for two seasons until he was commissioned by NBC to take over David Letterman's position as host of Late Night in 1993. A virtual unknown to the public, O'Brien's initial Late Night tenure received unfavorable reviews and remained on a multiweek renewal cycle during its early years. The show generally improved over time and was highly regarded by the time of his departure in 2009. Afterwards, O'Brien relocated from New York to Los Angeles to host his own incarnation of The Tonight Show for seven months until network politics prompted a host change in 2010. Known for his spontaneous hosting style, which has been characterized as "awkward, self-deprecating humor", O'Brien's late-night programs combine the "lewd and wacky with more elegant, narrative-driven short films (remotes)". He has hosted Conan since 2010 and has also hosted such events as the Emmy Awards and Christmas in Washingto
Given current weather trends, a Sharknado is a distinct possibility.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Anyway, I think you fractured my clavicle and I am going to sue.
Finally saw Silence of the Lambs. Not that funny.
Is it possible for a grown man to be body shamed by his own mirror?
Every time I see a newborn, I'm reminded of how rare and beautiful it is to look into the face of someone who's never heard of Trump.
Not only have I already purchased a gravesite, I visit it often and whisper, 'Soon, soon shall I sleep.'
There is a new exercise called “Rage Yoga” that encourages people to swear in between poses. Or as I call that, 'yoga.'
This morning, someone recognized me on the street and said, 'I’m a huge fan of your effort.'
Every generation just wants their kids to have a better “Spiderman” reboot than they did.”
Playing that drinking game where you open a bottle of wine.
You never learn that someone is a vegan from a third party.
A sadist enjoys hurting other people, a masochist goes camping.
I consider a hostile work environment any office that has a Karaoke Night.
The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing.
Open Tweet to Justin Bieber: You’re starting to make us teen heartthrobs look bad.
I hate it when adults try to relate to youth using slang. Guess that’s what makes me a woke bae.
I've noticed that men who tell women to "smile more" rarely comply when politely asked to "exist less."
So if I don't get caught it's a 'free sample' and if I do get caught it's 'stolen property, please come with me, sir?' Real double standard.
I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race to learn how to unhook a bra.