Max Goldman: You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae. John Gustafson: Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize. Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize! Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: Well, that's w…
— Robin Swicord, Akiva Goldsman, Adam Brooks, Mark Steven Johnson, Max Goldman, Walter Matthau, imdb.com
There are two types of people: those who try to win and those who try to win arguments. They are never the same.
Mike Baxter: Many times, you got to streamline conversations to avoid the big arguments. We do it all the time. Vanessa Baxter: What? Mike Baxter: Honey, married 30 years, we're in the home stretch. You might as well know, I actually like Chinese food. I just, you know, don't like watching you eat i…
Enough! I'm sorry, Mr. Schue, Ms. Sylvester, but if we wanted to hear mom and dad fight, those of us who still have two parents would just stay home on payday.
Jill: We're keeping score. Tim: I thought you didn't want to keep score. Jill: Oh, is the great big, bad bowling man afraid his itty-bitty wife is going to beat him? Tim: Is the itty-bitty wife afraid the big, bad bowling man is going to leave her in the PARKING LOT?
Jill: What, do you have rocks in your head? Don't you think? Tim: Let's talk about who doesn't think for a minute—who drove around for two days with the oil light on? Jill: Wait—I thought you said you weren't going to bring up the oil light. Tim: With all those rocks in my head, sometimes I don't kn…
Tim: Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her. Wilson: No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.
— Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, David McFadzean, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com
Samantha Stephens: Well, I've learned something very important tonight. Darrin Stephens: What's that? Samantha Stephens: Never let your husband criticize on an empty stomach.
— Paul Wayne, Samantha Stephens, Elizabeth Montgomery, imdb.com
I hate when you think of something awesome you could have said about an hour after the conversation.
Jake: Well, maybe I don’t use my exclamation points as haphazardly as you do. Elaine: You don’t think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point. Jake: Hey look, I just chalked down the message. I didn’t know I was required to capture the mood of each caller. Elaine: I just thought you…
— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com
The ego has very few arguments that can survive the power of an earnest and heartfelt prayer.
Elaine, can I just explain something to you very privately here? Susan and I have been together many, many times now, and just between you and me, there's really no big surprises here, so...makeup sex is all that I have left.
You didn't have makeup sex? How could you not have makeup sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship.
One of the problems in life is that when you're a kid, you have a certain way of working out disagreements...and those laws do not work in the adult world.
negotiable, adj.: It’s important not to link our disagreements. What we have for dinner has no bearing on whether we should be together.
The guiding principle of productive disagreement: argue like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong.
It's kinda pointless to fight for what you want when what you want continues to break your heart.
Truth springs from argument amongst friends.
Sometimes things come out of your mouth that you regret later on. Or no, not regret. You say something so razor-sharp that the person you say it to carries it around with them for the rest of their life.
In any dispute, each side thinks it’s in the right and the other side is demons.
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