“I've been like a mother to that girl. I've locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!”Tagged: mother, parental abuse
“I guess I could get rid of Pastry Chef. He makes these weird brownies that don't make me paranoid.”Tagged: pastry chef, Pot Brownies, Paranoid
“Honey, my catchphrase is: 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, you figure it out.”Tagged: Beer, Alcoholism
“Wow, ten years of game night. What a milestone. Maybe you should celebrate with a suicide pact.”Tagged: Game Night, Suicide Pact, insults
“He's taking me to Cancun for a week. Maybe I'll take some jeans and trade 'em for a new maid.”Tagged: cancun, human slavery, bourgeois arrogance
“You'll do it like every self-respecting woman does. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags.”Tagged: revenge sex, rebound, handbags, Anti-Christian