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Larry David

484 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Jul 2, 1947 · United States Of America · Male

Lawrence Gene "Larry" David (born July 2, 1947) is an American comedian, writer, actor, playwright, and television producer. He and Jerry Seinfeld created the television series Seinfeld, where he served as its head writer and executive producer from 1989 to 1996. David has subsequently gained further recognition for the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm, which he also created, in which he stars as a semi-fictionalized version of himself. He is worth an estimated $900 million US dollars. David's work won him a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series in 1993. Formerly a stand-up comedian, David went into television comedy, writing and starring in ABC's Fridays, as well as writing briefly for Saturday Night Live. He has won two Primetime Emmy Awards, and was voted by fellow comedians and comedy insiders as the 23rd greatest comedy star ever in a 2004 British poll to select "The Comedian's Comedian". 2Early life David was born in the neighborhood of Sheepshead Bay, in Brooklyn, New York, the son of Rose (née Ratner) and Morty David, who was a men's clothing manufacturer. His family is Jewish. He graduated from Sheepshead Bay High School, and then from the University of Maryland, College Park with a bachelor's degree in Histor

All Sex (23)penis (18)Dating (12)Breakups (10)dog (9)Jewish (9)Death (8)Problem (8)Jew (7)Relationships (7)Nudity (7)Attraction (7)Men (7)racist (6)doctor (6)

From “Male Unbonding”

I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression ‘Laughing all the way to the bank.’ I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little…

banks Waiting For Something Standing in Line

I've come to the conclusion that there are certain friends in you life that they're just always your friends and you have to accept it. You see them, you don't really want to see them. You don't call them. They call you. You don't call back. They call again.

friendship advice nagging Stalkers

See, the great thing about guys is that we can become friends based on almost nothing. Just two guys will just become friends just because they're two guys. That's almost all we need to have in common. 'Cause sports—sports and women—is really all we talk about. If there was no sports and no women…

Male Bonding Sports Women Friendship

Most men like working on things, tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the…

Men Menial Labor zombies Masculinity

From “The Stock Tip”

I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax.

Investing Stock Market

What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they're clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to ten. So don't give me hygiene.

hygiene Intelligence cats

From “The Ex-Girlfriend”

Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony bogus names for the jobs that we have. ‘Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor.’ ‘I’m in development, research, consulting.’ Men,…

Attraction Men Women status

I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.

comedy Respect

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Books Reading

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? You know the great thing? When you read ‘Moby Dick’ the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends.

Reading Hoarding Moby Dick

From “The Pony Remark”

You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's not like getting on a bus. One second. It's all mental.

Astral Plane Death

You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

Hopelessness Dating Despair Sex

It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

Negativity Hubris Defeatism

We don't understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. And, uh, I mean, hey, you know. I think if you can't stretch out and get some solid rest at that point, I don't see how bedding accessories really make the difference. I mean, they got the guy in a suit with a…

Death

I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody…

Ponies Immigration

I am not much for the family gathering. You know, you sit there, and the conversation's so boring. It's so dull. And you start to fantasize. You know, you think, what if I just got up and jumped out that window? What would it be like? Just crashed right through the glass. You know. Come back in,…

Family Gatherings small talk Hummel Boredom

From “The Jacket”

Elaine: My father thought George was gay. Jerry: It must have been the singing. Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everybody’s gay.

Homophobia gay

I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

laziness dread Appointments

I hate clothes, okay? I hate buying them. I hate picking them out of my closet. I can't stand every day trying to come up with little outfits for myself. I think eventually fashion won't even exist. It won't. I think eventually we'll all be wearing the same thing. 'Cause anytime I see a movie or a…

Fashion clothing Uniforms

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