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Larry David

484 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Jul 2, 1947 · United States Of America · Male

Lawrence Gene "Larry" David (born July 2, 1947) is an American comedian, writer, actor, playwright, and television producer. He and Jerry Seinfeld created the television series Seinfeld, where he served as its head writer and executive producer from 1989 to 1996. David has subsequently gained further recognition for the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm, which he also created, in which he stars as a semi-fictionalized version of himself. He is worth an estimated $900 million US dollars. David's work won him a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series in 1993. Formerly a stand-up comedian, David went into television comedy, writing and starring in ABC's Fridays, as well as writing briefly for Saturday Night Live. He has won two Primetime Emmy Awards, and was voted by fellow comedians and comedy insiders as the 23rd greatest comedy star ever in a 2004 British poll to select "The Comedian's Comedian". 2Early life David was born in the neighborhood of Sheepshead Bay, in Brooklyn, New York, the son of Rose (née Ratner) and Morty David, who was a men's clothing manufacturer. His family is Jewish. He graduated from Sheepshead Bay High School, and then from the University of Maryland, College Park with a bachelor's degree in Histor

All Sex (23)penis (18)Dating (12)Breakups (10)dog (9)Jewish (9)Death (8)Problem (8)Jew (7)Relationships (7)Nudity (7)Attraction (7)Men (7)racist (6)doctor (6)

From “The Jacket”

All fathers are intimidating. They're intimidating because they are fathers. Once a man has children, for the rest of his life, his attitude is, ‘To hell with the world, I can make my own people. I'll eat whatever I want. I'll wear whatever I want, and I'll create whoever I want.’

Fatherhood Arrogance

We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There's nothing funny about that.

comedy Korean War tension

From “The Phone Message”

Women don't wanna see need. They want a take-charge guy—a colonel, a kaiser, a tsar.

Masculinity Neediness strength

What's brutal about the date is the scrutiny that you put each other through. Because whenever you think about this person in terms of the future, you have to magnify everything about them. You know, like the guy'll be like 'I don't think her eyebrows are even. Could I look at uneven eyebrows for…

Dating Anxiety tension pressure Eyebrows

I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.

Suicide Suicide Notes Courtesy Irony

She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.

Coffee Sex Miscommunication

For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks.

Dating Anxiety Karate

The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face?

Television Reality v. Fantasy Couch Potatoes

From “The Revenge”

Do you think it's effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?

Laundry Masculinity Effeminate

That's it. This is it. I'm done. Through. It's over. I'm gone. Finished. Over. I will never work for you again. Look at you. You think you're an important man? Is that what you think? You are a laughingstock. You are a joke. These people are laughing at you. You're nothing! You have no brains, no…

Quitting Cruelty Employers Laughingstock Brains

You can't win. You can't beat me. That's why I'm here and you're there. Because I'm a winner. I'll always be a winner and you'll always be a loser.

Winning Losing victory Cruelty

From “The Deal”

What is it about sex that just disrupts everything? Is it the touching? Is it the nudity?

Sex Nudity

I know less about women than anyone in the world. But one thing I do know is they're not happy if you don't spend the night. I could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little army cot this wide. You're not going anywhere.

Men Women Sleepovers

You're like a pathetic gambler. You're one of those losers in Las Vegas who keeps thinking he's gonna come up with a way to win at blackjack.

Gambling False Hope Las Vegas blackjack

That's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would have to break through the door, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face.

Cable TV Pornography masturbation Sex

You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well, you get in the mood!

Details Kiss and Tell Secrets

Now here's another little rule. When we see each other now, we retire to our separate quarters. But sometimes, when people get involved with that, they feel pressure to sleep over. When that is not really sleep. Sleep is separate from that. And I don't see why sleep got all tied up and connected…

Sleepovers FWB

I have a vague recollection of doing something with someone, but it was a long, long time ago.

Sex Abstinence

From “The Chinese Restaurant”

Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.

Hunger Cannibalism

Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No. No. A resounding no!

Sensitivity

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