“Guillermo is my familiar, but sometimes he's a little too familiar, you know what I mean? I mean, he's always just there.”Tagged: Vampie Familars
“Nandor is like a big turkey just walking around trying to control everything on the farm. And Laszlo is my big, crazy, wild bear and we love to chase each other around the house. We have a great time together.”
“I just brought my friend to a house full of vampires. I brought my virgin friend into a house full of vampires.”Tagged: Virgins, Vampires, Vampies Eating Virgins
“There is nothing more devastating than finding out your husband has made porn... and it's so bloody boring.”Tagged: Boring Porono
“Vampire sex is like pizza, in that even when it's bad it's good. It's designed to be enjoyed by eight or more people. There's a choice of toppings.And in the morning, you're like, 'Aah! Why do I have puncture wounds on my penis?’”Tagged: Nandor the Relentless, Vampire Sex, Sex and Pizza
“Government Official: Please describe the right to bear arms. Nandor: If it's a nice day, you should have the right to bare your arms. Government Official: All right.Moving on.”Tagged: Witty Dialouge , Right to Bear Arms
“It seems that, uh, government workers are immune to hypnotism. It's like their souls are dead or something.”Tagged: Government Workers, The Soulless
“When it comes to zoning ordinances, I have a few thoughts.”Tagged: Emotional Vampires at Town Meetings