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Mary Hartman

11 quotes

All Backhanded Compliments (2)Cheating (2)Animal Lovers (1)Divorce (1)Empathy (1)Breakups (1)Reading (1)Handsome (1)goats (1)Realism (1)Howard Cosell (1)venereal disease (1)Mass Murder (1)comedian (1)Murder (1)

From “Episode 001”

Loretta Haggers: [Referring to the Lombardi family] Someone just shot 'em. Mary Hartman: Oh my God. The whole family? Loretta Haggers: All five of them, plus two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I can't believe that. What kind of a madman would shoot two goats and eight chickens. [after a…

Murder goats Chickens Animal Lovers

Mary Hartman: [On the phone] Grandpa Larkin's at the police station? Sgt. Foley: Yes, he is. Mary Hartman: Is he all right? Sgt. Foley: Well, not exactly. Mary Hartman: Is he hurt? I mean, what did he have, an accident? Sgt. Foley: No, he's not hurt. And I'm afraid what happened to him was not an…

indecent exposure fernwood flasher

From “Episode 003”

Tom Hartman: Did you think I was sexy then? Mary Hartman: Yeah, you were. You were just like Johnny Carson. You were just all boyish and proud of yourself. Tom Hartman: He's a comedian. I'm a Robert Redford, huh? Mary Hartman: [thinks a moment] Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson Robert Redford comedian actor Handsome

Harold Clemens: [Referring to high school] I'm sure you were very attractive. Mary Hartman: [Charmed] Really? [Changing her tone] What do you think happened to me?

high school Aging Attractive Backhanded Compliments

Mary Hartman: It was a wonderful book. It was guaranteed to improve my emotional health. Harold Clemens: Did it improve your emotional health? Mary Hartman: I think so, I definitely think so. You see, it was while I was reading that book that I realized that I needed glasses, and that made me feel…

Reading eyeglasses emotional health

From “Episode 014”

Mary Hartman: [Davey has a pistol pressed against Mary's head] Is that a real gun, Davey? It's not real, is it? What is that, a little toy, little water cap pistol? Davey: No, it's real. Mary Hartman: Oh, it is real. Oh. See, I saw this skit on The Howard Cosell Show once. It was a hilarious skit.…

Tina Louise Howard Cosell Toy Gun

From “Episode 020”

Sgt. Foley: Are you a little nervous? Mary Hartman: No. Why, do I seem a little nervous? No, I'm not, I'm not nervous. Why, because I'm a married woman having a cocktail in a cocktail lounge in the middle of the afternoon with a good looking person?

Nervous Cheating Infidelity cocktail bar

From “Episode 008”

Mary Hartman: Where's Grandpa? Martha Shumway: Watching Years of Our Days to Live. It's his favorite. Mary Hartman: Oh, I don't like that one. Martha Shumway: No? Mary Hartman: No, all the girls look alike, and they're all divorced, and all the husbands fool around with someone at work. I like a…

Soap Operas Realism Reality TV Irony

From “Episode 029”

Mary Hartman: As far as I'm concerned, you can have Tom if you want him. Mae Olinski: [gasps] Do you really mean that? Mary Hartman: Yes, I do. You see, I don't want him anymore, and there's no sense in letting him go to waste.

Breakups Cheating Divorce

From “Episode 023”

Mary Hartman: Oh, poor Davey. Sergeant Dennis Foley: Mary, he's a mass murderer. He murdered the entire Lombardi family, plus their two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I know, but aside from that he's such a nice boy. I mean, I wish there was something I could do for him. Sergeant Dennis…

Mass Murder Killer Empathy misplaced empathy

From “Episode 026”

I can't believe it. Loretta's never gonna walk again. Tom and Mae and Mary all have venereal disease, not to mention Frank Garth, who I don't even know. And we don't have any calmatives in the house. It's beginning to sound like a soap opera.

soap opera venereal disease STD

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