“Loretta Haggers: [Referring to the Lombardi family] Someone just shot 'em. Mary Hartman: Oh my God. The whole family? Loretta Haggers: All five of them, plus two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I can't believe that. What kind of a madman would shoot two goats and eight chickens. [after a…”Tagged: Murder, goats, Chickens, Animal Lovers
“Mary Hartman: [On the phone] Grandpa Larkin's at the police station? Sgt. Foley: Yes, he is. Mary Hartman: Is he all right? Sgt. Foley: Well, not exactly. Mary Hartman: Is he hurt? I mean, what did he have, an accident? Sgt. Foley: No, he's not hurt. And I'm afraid what happened to him was not an…”Tagged: indecent exposure, fernwood flasher
“Tom Hartman: Did you think I was sexy then? Mary Hartman: Yeah, you were. You were just like Johnny Carson. You were just all boyish and proud of yourself. Tom Hartman: He's a comedian. I'm a Robert Redford, huh? Mary Hartman: [thinks a moment] Johnny Carson.”Tagged: Johnny Carson, Robert Redford, comedian, actor, Handsome
“Harold Clemens: [Referring to high school] I'm sure you were very attractive. Mary Hartman: [Charmed] Really? [Changing her tone] What do you think happened to me?”Tagged: high school, Aging, Attractive, Backhanded Compliments
“Mary Hartman: It was a wonderful book. It was guaranteed to improve my emotional health. Harold Clemens: Did it improve your emotional health? Mary Hartman: I think so, I definitely think so. You see, it was while I was reading that book that I realized that I needed glasses, and that made me feel…”Tagged: Reading, eyeglasses, emotional health
“Mary Hartman: [Davey has a pistol pressed against Mary's head] Is that a real gun, Davey? It's not real, is it? What is that, a little toy, little water cap pistol? Davey: No, it's real. Mary Hartman: Oh, it is real. Oh. See, I saw this skit on The Howard Cosell Show once. It was a hilarious skit.…”Tagged: Tina Louise, Howard Cosell, Toy Gun
“Sgt. Foley: Are you a little nervous? Mary Hartman: No. Why, do I seem a little nervous? No, I'm not, I'm not nervous. Why, because I'm a married woman having a cocktail in a cocktail lounge in the middle of the afternoon with a good looking person?”Tagged: Nervous, Cheating, Infidelity, cocktail bar
“Mary Hartman: Where's Grandpa? Martha Shumway: Watching Years of Our Days to Live. It's his favorite. Mary Hartman: Oh, I don't like that one. Martha Shumway: No? Mary Hartman: No, all the girls look alike, and they're all divorced, and all the husbands fool around with someone at work. I like a…”Tagged: Soap Operas, Realism, Reality TV, Irony
“Mary Hartman: As far as I'm concerned, you can have Tom if you want him. Mae Olinski: [gasps] Do you really mean that? Mary Hartman: Yes, I do. You see, I don't want him anymore, and there's no sense in letting him go to waste.”Tagged: Breakups, Cheating, Divorce
“Mary Hartman: Oh, poor Davey. Sergeant Dennis Foley: Mary, he's a mass murderer. He murdered the entire Lombardi family, plus their two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I know, but aside from that he's such a nice boy. I mean, I wish there was something I could do for him. Sergeant Dennis…”Tagged: Mass Murder, Killer, Empathy, misplaced empathy
“I can't believe it. Loretta's never gonna walk again. Tom and Mae and Mary all have venereal disease, not to mention Frank Garth, who I don't even know. And we don't have any calmatives in the house. It's beginning to sound like a soap opera.”Tagged: soap opera, venereal disease, STD