“Mandatory fire drill this afternoon. When you hear the siren, burn as many things as you can.”Tagged: Fire, Fire Drill, Burning
“SPORTS NEWS: Some people were harmed. Others screamed. Others made arm gestures. A lighted screen announced empirical measures of worth.”Tagged: Sports, Games, Sporting Events
“'One day you will die.' Not true! It will likely take several days.”Tagged: Death, Dying, End Of Life
“Possible rain today. Also, possible sun. For a complete list of all that's possible, consult the great works of fact and fiction.”Tagged: Weather, possibilities, Sun, Rain
“Confused? At a loss for what to do? Wow, sounds like you're human. Good luck.”Tagged: humans, Confused, lost
“You say you’re going to be alone on Valentine’s Day, but you forget about the insects, ghosts, & surveillance devices in your home.”Tagged: Alone, valentine's day, Ghosts
“It's difficult to see eye to eye. When you smush 2 people's eyes up against each other, they can't see much and also really want you to stop.”Tagged: Eyes, Vision, Cliches
“Make like a baby and experience the world as a series of great terrors interspersed with brilliant comedies and lots of food and sleep.”Tagged: food, Sleep, babies
“Big sale announced! It turns out anything is free if you get away with stealing it! Wow! What a deal!”Tagged: Stealing, Thief, Free
“Missed connection: I am a rock. You were near me. I have no idea who or what you are because I cannot perceive the world. I love you.”Tagged: Rock, Love, Missed Connections
“[THIS POST PAID FOR BY BIRDS] We aren't chirping you fools we're laughing because you all can't fly.”Tagged: Birds, Flight, Laughter