“What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.”Tagged: laborers, Education
“Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into…”Tagged: Moles, trolls, Madame Curie, hamsters
“[Discussing how Knight didn't come in to the lab] Bodie: He said he didn't feel like it. And I said, ‘You'd better!’ And he said, ‘Or what?’ And I said, ‘Or you're gonna be in trouble.’ And he said, ‘Jam it.’ Professor Hathaway: That's a wonderful story, Bodie. I noticed you've stopped stuttering.…”Tagged: Shock Treatment, Stuttering
“[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it] Chris Knight: Here Mitch, taste this. Go on, you won't hurt my feelings, just try it. What do you think, too sweet? Mitch: What is it? Chris Knight: I don't know, I found it in one of the labs. [Mitch starts to induce vomiting] Chris Knight:…”Tagged: yogurt, sweet
“Mitch: But if I stay, what should I do? Chris Knight: You get even with Kent. It's a moral imperative.”Tagged: Getting Even, moral imperative
“Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents? Mitch: No. Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me? Mitch: No, them. Jordan: Oh.”Tagged: rue the day, campus, archaisms
“[Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside] Chris Knight: Hey, Kent...that's your car. Mitch: Kent, you know you're not supposed to park that on campus. Kent: You've gone too far this time, Knight. Chris Knight: [whiny, scared voice] I had help! [points to Mitch] Kent: You, huh? Well you…”Tagged: rue the day, campus, archaisms
“Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives...to have sex.”Tagged: environment, Sex
“Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head? Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.”Tagged: Mental Illness
“Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, how'd you do? Chris Knight: How'd I do? I passed! But I failed! Yeah! Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, then I'm happy and sad for you.”Tagged: Passed, failed, Happy, Sad
“Sir, let me take this moment to compliment you on your fashion sense, particularly your slippers.”Tagged: compliments, fashion sense, slippers
“Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab. Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.”Tagged: Misunderstanding, Double Entendre
“Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened? Chris Knight: I got a haircut?”Tagged: pacific tech, einstein
“This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.”Tagged: ice, Sexual Frustration
“Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates. Chris Knight: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O? Kent: You did not. Chris Knight: This is true. Kent: Look, it was hot and I was hungry, okay?”Tagged: Jell-O, degenerates, Naked
“Chris Knight: Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life? David Decker: She happens to be my daughter. Chris Knight: Oh. Then I guess you have.”Tagged: Lust, Daughter
“Do you mind if I name my first child after you? ‘Dipshit Knight’ has a nice ring to it.”Tagged: Dipshit
“[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house] Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you—or, more to the point, to you—just let me know. Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? Chris Knight: Not right…”Tagged: penis, Dating, Standards
“Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning... Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Mitch: No... Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has…”Tagged: Dream, sun god, Pyramid, naked women
“Mitch: What are you doing? Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, ‘... I drank what?’”Tagged: Socrates, self-realization, hemlock, Suicide