“Here's what happened, I was in New York, I ran into Josh, he made me feel warm inside like glitter was exploding inside me, then I moved here. I did not move here because of Josh because that would be crazy and I am not crazy.”Tagged: glitter, Love, Warm, moving, crazy
“Uh, it's the sexy getting-ready song The sexy getting-ready song I'm primpin' and pluckin' I'm brushin' and rubbin'”Tagged: Sexy, getting ready, Song, Self Care
“A true friend is somebody who loves you no matter what. Even if your downward dog is horrible!”Tagged: Friendship, true friend, Downward Dog
“I wanna lock you in a basement, but in that basement you would also be my personal trainer. I want your abs! Break into your mom's house, collect your baby teeth and turn then into my new retainer. I want your smile! Cook your spit into a chowder, dry your sweat into a powder and do lines of you all…”Tagged: creepy, Wannabe, abs, Obsessed
“I wanna kill you and wear your skin like a dress, but then also have you see me in the dress and be like, 'O.M.G., you look so cute in my skin!'”Tagged: skin, dress, creepy, Cute
“I've decided to eat my feelings, and it turns out my feelings are pork rinds, whoopie pies, mac and cheese... Yeah, I'm going full-on Cathy cartoon.”Tagged: Eat My Feelings, Feelings, food
“Rebecca: Well, if it isn't Mr. 'I can't come to your party, because I have a bunch of complicated reasons. I prob'ly have to buy more black clothing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' Greg: That's a long name I have. Polish?”Tagged: party, excuses, Long Name, Complicated
“Rebecca: Umm, my ovaries are eking out into my Fallopian tubes and they're wrapped around... Darryl: Okay, we'll see you when you're feeling better. Rebecca: Wow, men are stupid.”Tagged: Ovaries, Men, Women, Stupid, Female Body
“Greg: A dude just left your apartment! You took some guy home from our date and slept with him? What is wrong with you? I don't understand! Rebecca: No, see that's it, you don't understand. Like, I'm not... I'm not an adult! Like, what we were doing back at the taco festival, like being like all…”Tagged: Wrong, adult, Mistakes, Scared, Advice
“I got stuck on, like, wanting you to say I was a good person, because if you believed it, then somehow I could believe it too.”Tagged: Good Person, Belief, Expectations, Hope
“I'm a good person, that's my thing. My nickname is Mother Teresa Luther King!”Tagged: Good Person, Saint, Kind
“I have an I.Q. of 164. On the entire S.A.T., I got two questions wrong and in subsequent years those questions were strickened for being misleading. But I know *nothing* about life! Yeah, no. Truly, nothing! Like, I make AWFUL decisions! Like really, you know, really, really awful decisions.”Tagged: Smart, Stupid, Life, Book Smarts, Awful Decisions
“I think my spleen is somewhere in the municipal sewer system. Ohhhhh, my butthole's the gateway to Hell!”Tagged: Hell, Butthole, Spleen, Sewer, Gross
“Are you taking me off the case? Please don't take me off the case! Because if you take me off the case, that means I'm not working, and if I'm working, it means I have to think thoughts!”Tagged: Thoughts, Work, case, Thinking, Overthinking
“If she's looking for porn, there's a folder that says Porn. They're the good kind with plots, that's why the hard drive is so big.”Tagged: Porn, Plots, Good Porn
“Valencia: I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, which is not far because you eat bagels after 8 p.m. Rebecca: Don't underestimate the joy of a midnight bagel!”Tagged: Bagels, food, Midnight Snack, Trust
“I'm the villain in my own story. I'm the witch in my own tale. Though I insist I'm a protagonist, it's clear that my soul is up for sale. I'm the villain in my own story, the bad guy in my TV show. I'm the 'who' in the whodunit, when I go to Hell I'll run it as Satan's CFO!”Tagged: villain, Soul, Bad Guy, satan
“What you've got to know is that boobs may be where it's at, but if you cut them open, they're just sacks of yellow fat!”Tagged: boobs, fat, Sacks
“Here is a list of all of the objects that I can hold under my boobs: Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Knights, dog bone, remote control, hardback copy of Wuthering Heights.”Tagged: boobs, Hiding, Materials
“God, pep talks into a mirror do nothing but enhance the loneliness.”Tagged: Pep Talks, Loneliness, enhancement