“Ricky Bobby: You sick sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs...all fat and cocky and lookin' at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have…”Tagged: Sick, sons of bitches, cocky, Handsome, athletes
“Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces...newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.”Tagged: newborn, infant, jesus
“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”Tagged: jesus, manger, Ghost, baby einstein, Retarded
“[running around on the track in his underwear] Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!”Tagged: self-immolation, jesus, jewish god, Allah, Tom Cruise
“Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f-[bleep] you.”Tagged: Big Red, Chewing Tobacco, Fuck You
“Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.'”Tagged: Colonel Sanders, Misquote, Drunk, chicken