You know how lesbians are. You know what a lesbian brings on a second date, right? A U-Haul.
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Rosie O'Donnell
Roseann O'Donnell (born March 21, 1962) is an American comedian, actress, author, and television personality. She has been a magazine editor and continues to be a celebrity blogger, a lesbian rights activist, a television producer, and a collaborative partner in the LGBT family vacation company, R Family Vacations. O'Donnell started her comedy career while still a teenager. Her big break was on the talent show Star Search in 1984. After a TV sitcom and a series of movies introduced her to a larger national audience, she hosted The Rosie O'Donnell Show from 1996 to 2002, which won multiple Emmy Awards. During this time, she wrote her first memoir, Find Me, and developed the nickname "Queen of Nice", as well as a reputation for philanthropic efforts. She used the book's $3 million advance to establish her For All Kids foundation and promote other charity projects, encouraging celebrities on her show to take part. In 1997, O'Donnell did the voice of Terk in the Disney animated film Tarzan. In 2002, two months before finishing her talk show run, O'Donnell came out, stating "I'm a dyke!" and saying that her primary reason was to bring attention to gay adoption issues. O'Donnell is a foster and adoptive mothe
You know how lesbians are. You know what a lesbian brings on a second date, right? A U-Haul.
It started right after my mother died when I was about eleven. I would repetitively hit something, usually on my hands, and it would get so numb. And then I would know when it was broken and then I would stop. I think what I liked—what I’ve learned through years of therapy, now as a fifty-…
I think it’s because I didn’t have a mother. I really wanted to have a mother. Every child, I think, wants to have that one person who’s going to be your forever person. I used to take my friends’ moms and totally be the kiss-ass nice. My friends were like, 'Will you stop talking to my mom?' You’re…
A private citizen who’s a phony. He’s a phony. I wasn’t afraid of him at all. I never even thought of it. Now people are saying, 'Well, aren’t you afraid because he’s the president?' I’m like, 'No.' He doesn’t have any kind of real power. Everybody with an IQ of over 100—he loves the IQs—can…
Exactly. I thought it had to be worse. It hurt— my arms hurt— but you’ve seen people, mostly men, on TV get a heart attack, they grab their chest, they fall down, right? I thought to myself, 'This can’t be a heart attack.' Because a heart attack would, like, knock me out. Yolanda King, Martin Luther…
I went on right after Columbine. The last week of April 1999. I could not work. I couldn’t stop crying on live TV. I couldn’t find the reason. The doctor said, 'You must go on medication.' I went on Prozac. I was on it for about four years, and then I had what’s called the Prozac Poop, where it sort…