“Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape!”Tagged: towel, Irish walking cape
“Damp towel, damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You’re too humid.”Tagged: damp towel, Nap, Simile Examples, Golden Retriever, Bathroom Bucket
“This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!”Tagged: horrible, Neighborhood, Youths, Everywhere
“Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.”Tagged: Pine, loft, Poor People, outhouses, prestigious
“Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?”Tagged: Cooking, frittata, sauce pan, Prison, Questions
“Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.”Tagged: staring, checking her out, serial killer
“Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil.”Tagged: Caveman, manhood, exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty
“I don’t celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.”Tagged: Christmas, white, Winter, Privilege Night
“I'm the squirrel and you're my nut. Winter is coming and I'm gonna store you in my cheek girl.”Tagged: Pickup Lines, Absurd Things to Say to a Girl, Squirrels
“It’s only romantic because it’s a wedding. I’d be just as happy to sabotage, I don’t know, let’s say, her tax audit.”Tagged: Romantic, wedding, Happy, Sabotage, tax audit
“Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?”Tagged: major life crisis, driving around, French Kissing, Simile Examples, dutch hookers
“Schmidt: No sig oths. Cece: Just say ‘significant others.’ Schmidt: Maybe you have that kind of time, but I’m on a tight sched.”Tagged: Abbreviations, Significant Others, schedule
“I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.”Tagged: Cried, techno song, Tweets, Literal