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30 Funny Short Jokes That Are Guaranteed To Make You Smile

by Unknown(29 total)

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

celebrity Hard Work Anonymity Fame Irony

Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Materialism Consumerism Status Symbols

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Job Security Unemployment

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Knowledge Tomato Fruit Fruit Salad Wisdom

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is ‘act natural, you’re innocent.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

awkward Natural innocent suspicion Shoplifting

Is Google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Google Women Misogyny Interrupting

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Borrowing Money Pessimism

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Idiot argue Experience Wisdom

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Secret Secrets Gossip Irony

Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

21st Century History Internet

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Mistakes Childbirth Irony

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

asshole jesus Love Unlovable

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Making Ends Meet Change Irony

Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing that it’s Tuesday.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Friday Tuesday Disappointment

Funny how ‘we need to talk’ really means ‘you need to listen.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Communication talking Listening Irony

Some people say, ‘If you can't beat them, join them.’ I say, ‘If you can't beat them, beat them,’ because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Cliches surprise

Two wrongs don't make a right; take your parents as an example.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Cliches Parents insults

Dear alcohol: We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer...I saw the video...we need to talk.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Alcohol Dancer Drunk Irony Hangover

Money talks...but all mine ever says is goodbye.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Money Cliches Irony

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