“A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, ‘Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.’ The pirate says, ‘Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.’”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: pirates, Nuts, Double Entendre
“A bear walks into a restaurant and says, ‘I want a grilllllled…cheese.’ The waiter says ‘What’s with the pause?’ The bear replies, ‘Whaddya mean? I’M A BEAR.’”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Puns, Bears, Grilled Cheese, Restaurant
“What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Dyslexia, Agnostic, Insomnia
“Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Koala, Puns
“I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’”— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Pet Shop, Aquarium, goldfish, Zodiac
“Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies!”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Wordplay
“You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Elephants, Hiding
“What did the Buddhist ask the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything.”— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Buddhist, Double Entendre