A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: ‘Excuse me, how much do you charge?’ The lawyer responds: ‘I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.’ ‘Bloody hell. That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?’ ‘Yes. What’s your third question?’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Lawyers Extortion

A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, ‘I can’t do this. I need water.’ The man says, ‘I didn’t know dogs could talk.’ The horse says, ‘Me, neither!’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Desert Dogs Horse Thirst Surreal

Two soldiers are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, ‘BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB.’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Surreal Anti-Jokes

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying; it seemed very important to him that I have it.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

EpiPen Death

Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, ‘You know how to drive this thing?’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

goldfish

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Literal

What does a pepper do when it’s angry? It gets jalapeño face!

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

Anger Wordplay

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Literal

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Scarecrow Puns

Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Seeing Eye Dogs Blind Skydiving

What do you call bears with no ears? B.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Bears Ears

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