50 Short, Clean Jokes And Puns That Will Get You A Laugh Every Time

“Knock-knock. Who’s there? To. To who? It’s ‘To whom.’”

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

“What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“How did the blonde die ice-fishing? She was hit by the Zamboni.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“An atheist, a CrossFitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they told me.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“What is the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple? They’re both red, except for the green one.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: ‘Excuse me, how much do you charge?’ The lawyer responds: ‘I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.’ ‘Bloody hell. That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?’ ‘Yes. What’s your third question?’”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, ‘I can’t do this. I need water.’ The man says, ‘I didn’t know dogs could talk.’ The horse says, ‘Me, neither!’”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“Two soldiers are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, ‘BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB.’”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying; it seemed very important to him that I have it.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, ‘You know how to drive this thing?’”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“What does a pepper do when it’s angry? It gets jalapeño face!”

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“What do you call bears with no ears? B.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com