Season 1

“A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance.”

— Daniel Handler, Justice Strauss, Joan Cusack, imdb.com

“If you are interested in stories with happy endings, then you would be better off somewhere else. In this story, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning, and very few happy things in the middle.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“If you use fancy-pants words first thing in the morning, you’re going to end up a very lonely man.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“In a world both frightening and unlucky, there are a few comforts. One of them is making new friends. Friends can make you feel the world is smaller and safer than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences. When you meet people like that, you may find your world feels a litt…”

— Tatiana Suarez-Pico, Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Of course, if you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Poor little orphan. Haven’t you learned anything this year? Week? Season?”

— Tatiana Suarez-Pico, Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Please, come in, and mind you wipe your feet on the mat so you don’t track in any mud. And don’t forget your enormous fortune!”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about them while wandering alone through desolate landscapes, usually during the off-season.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Terrible ending. The villagers should have been eaten like in Citizen Kane.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“There are times when the entire world seems wrong. The way a reptile room without any reptiles seems wrong. The way a bookshelf without any books seems wrong. Or a loved one’s house without the loved one.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“The stove is a bit like a servant. You have to whack it sometimes to get it to work.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“There’s no word to describe the feeling of waking up and knowing instantly that something is terribly wrong.”

— Daniel Handler, imdb.com

“To Beatrice – My love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.”

— Joe Tracz, Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. And when that happens, all good, true and decent people know that it’s time to volunteer.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Unless you are a murderer or a taxidermist, it is rare to have actual skeletons in your closet as opposed to metaphorical ones.”

— Tatiana Suarez-Pico, Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Having a brilliant idea isn’t as easy as turning on a light. But just as a single bulb can illuminate even the most depressing of rooms, the right idea can shed light on a depressing situation.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Your cruelty is as sweet as this coffee I’m dumping the sugar into.”

— Joe Tracz, Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Marriage is like sharing a root beer float, or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it’s happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com