Season 1

“Franny: Today this family is going to church. Gary: What? Claire: Seriously? Justin: I don't wanna go! Franny: Today this family is going to church, now get in the damn car!”

— Rob Ulin, Franny, Amy Pietz, imdb.com

“Franny: If you join the chastity club, I'll let you go on the Pill for Christmas. Claire: Deal.”

— Rob Ulin, Franny, Amy Pietz, imdb.com

“Franny: Yeah, well whole idea is that when you come to America, you check your traditions at the border. Gary: Otherwise you've just got cannibals running around in the streets and we've got enough traffic problems as it is.”

— Sameer Gardezi, Gary Tolchuck, Scott Patterson, imdb.com

“Gary: Look, son, it's OK to suck. But it's not OK to quit. And if that means making a fool of yourself in front of thousands and thousands of people, so be it. Justin: There's only, like, 80 people out there. Gary: Yeah, but it's gonna feel like thousands when they're throwing garbage at you...”

— Emily Kapnek, Sameer Gardezi, Gary Tolchuck, Scott Patterson, imdb.com

“Todd: Caucasian? What the hell's a Caucasian? Mike: I don't know. They should go back to where they came from!”

— Michael Glouberman, Todd Palladino, Nolan Gerard Funk, imdb.com

“Franny: Gary, they're teenagers. School is their job. Raja gets straight A's, but Claire really needs to get that history grade up. And Justin, he needs work on his physics... Justin: Yeah. Franny: ...social skills... Justin: What?”

— Robia Rashid, Franny, Amy Pietz, imdb.com

“Claire: Dude, don't be embarrassed. You're not the one who kissed you. Justin: Do you think it meant anything to her at all? Claire: Oh yeah - she'll never forget you. Justin: Really? Claire: You're the biggest mistake she ever made - that lasts forever.”

— Sam Laybourne, Sameer Gardezi, Claire Tolchuck, Lindsey Shaw, imdb.com

“Sir, you should know that you are not going to find any evidence of terrorism. But you are going to find some very bad things on there. And that is because I used my computer to visit naughty websites of naked women.”

— Richard Day, Raja, Adhir Kalyan, imdb.com

“Jeffrey: I just wish there was something I could do to change her mind. Gary: Well you can't play it cool, that ship has sailed.”

— Emily Kapnek, Gary Tolchuck, Scott Patterson, imdb.com

“Raja: What prayers do you recite when you are upset? Justin: I don't usually uh... I don't really pray that much. Usually I just, you know, like, eat a, eat a brownie or, uh, buy a CD.”

— Moses Port, David Guarascio, Justin Tolchuck, Dan Byrd, imdb.com