Season 2

“Lenny: Me and Squiggy was talking and we decided that your kid oughta have a last name. Laverne: Huh? Lenny: On account of, if he don't, the poor little guy's never gonna get any mail.”

— David W. Duclon, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“My scalp is all itchy, I feel like I have athlete's head!”

— Deborah Leschin, Shirley Feeney, Cindy Williams, imdb.com

“Laverne: No thank you. I'd rather sell my body to science. Rosie: Who else would buy it, DeFazio?”

— Paula A. Roth, Deborah Leschin, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“Lenny: So, me and Squiggy flipped a coin to see which one of us was gonna volunteer to be your husband. Laverne: Awwww, and you lost, huh? Lenny: No, I won.”

— David W. Duclon, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“I'm gonna make a good living. Plus, I'll practically never hit you or nothin'...”

— David W. Duclon, Lenny, Michael McKean, imdb.com

“What are you doing?!? When I'm talking to girls, don't stick your fingers in your mouth!”

— Paula A. Roth, Judy Skelton, Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, David L. Lander, imdb.com

“Stop it, I'm going to lose my lust!”

— Jack Winter, Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, David L. Lander, imdb.com

“I know that voice, and I hate the person it's attached to!”

— Deborah Leschin, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“Shirley: We won't go out with just any old creep! Laverne: Yeah, only those who ask us!”

— David L. Lander, Michael McKean, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“Shirley: I'm shaving my legs. This ugly stubble is showing through my nylons. Laverne: Ugly stubble, huh? That's what holds my nylons up!”

— Deborah Leschin, Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“Richie: Well, maybe we should do something again sometime. Shirley: Anything but murder, mister.”

— Fred Fox Jr., Laverne De Fazio, Penny Marshall, imdb.com

“Lenny and I have two very respectful women upstairs, and we'd like to settle down to a nice, quiet orgy.”

— Jack Winter, Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, David L. Lander, imdb.com