Episode

The Visa

by Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Cherones, Maggie Han, Ping Wu and 10 others

George meets a Chinese female lawyer who thinks he is real funny; so he tells Jerry not to be funny around her, but she becomes attracted to this. Kramer returns early from baseball fantasy camp, where he accidentally punched Mickey Mantle. A mix-up with

(12 total)

Characters

Peter Mehlman (12)Jerry Seinfeld (8)Jason Alexander (5)George Costanza (5)Brian George (3)Babu Bhatt (3)

“You bad man! You very bad man!”

— Peter Mehlman, Babu Bhatt, Brian George, imdb.com

Tagged: Bad, Bad Man, Very Bad Man, Very Bad Bad Evil Man

“I am for open immigration but that sign we have on the front of the Statue of Liberty, ‘Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...,’ can't we just say, ‘Hey, the door's open, we'll take whoever you got’? Do we have to specify the wretched refuse? I mean, why don't we just say, ‘Give us th…”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Immigration, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Emma Lazarus

“I'm going to save up every rupee. Someday I will get back to America, and when I do I will exact vengeance on this man. I cannot forget him. He haunts me. He is a very bad man. He is a very, very bad man.”

— Peter Mehlman, Babu Bhatt, Brian George, imdb.com

Tagged: America, Immigration, Revenge, Vengeance, Evil

“But, but I'm disturbed! I'm depressed! I'm inadequate! I got it all!”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Disturbed, Depression, Inadequacy, Attraction

“You bad man! You very bad man! You very lazy bad man.”

— Peter Mehlman, Babu Bhatt, Brian George, imdb.com

Tagged: Bad Man, Evil

“Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Happiness, Compassion, Fairness

“Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that's disturbed. You can't find sickness like that anywhere, you think sickness like that grows on trees?…”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: dark, Disturbed, Superman, Mental Illness

“Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is…”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Depression, Despair, Birthdays, Ennui, Death

“You see, this is what I do with women. I start out too strong, now I have to become real, that's when it all falls apart. What good is real? They don't want real, they want funny.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Dating, Self-Consciousness

“Maybe you don't have to be so funny. I mean, would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm asking. This woman thinks I'm very funny. Now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: humor, comedy, Dating, Baldness

“Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating; that's a fantasy camp.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Fantasy, Mooching, Parasites

“What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one…”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Lawyers, Judges, Legal System, board games