“Every generation just wants their kids to have a better “Spiderman” reboot than they did.””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: spiderman, reboot, Movies
“Playing that drinking game where you open a bottle of wine.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Wine, Drinking, Alcohol
“You never learn that someone is a vegan from a third party.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Vegan, bragging, food
“A sadist enjoys hurting other people, a masochist goes camping.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: sadist, masochist, camping
“I consider a hostile work environment any office that has a Karaoke Night.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: karaoke, Career, Work
“The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Singing, bathrooms, Laws
“Open Tweet to Justin Bieber: You’re starting to make us teen heartthrobs look bad.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Justin Bieber, teenager, heartthrob
“I hate it when adults try to relate to youth using slang. Guess that’s what makes me a woke bae.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: slang, adults, Children
“I've noticed that men who tell women to "smile more" rarely comply when politely asked to "exist less."”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Smile, Men, Women, Sexist
“So if I don't get caught it's a 'free sample' and if I do get caught it's 'stolen property, please come with me, sir?' Real double standard.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Free, stolen, double standard
“I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race to learn how to unhook a bra.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: rupaul's drag race, bra, Television
“It’s tough this year. I’m worried Hillary’s a liar, and I’m worried Trump’s not.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Election, Lies
“Waiting at the vet’s office for my dog to get his shots. Might let the guy in the beard of wasps go ahead of me.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Animals, vet, dog
“If Calvin Harris can’t make it work with Taylor Swift, what hope do any of us chiseled, 6’6” DJs have?””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Taylor Swift, calvin harris, Attractive, breakup
“Can someone please pass the ketchup? (one of my 21 million followers HAS to be in this diner)”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: food, eating, Hunger
“To my fellow hikers: that noise I made when the butterfly came toward my face was a terrified shriek of delight.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Nature, Hiking, Butterflies
“Getting asked to be Trump’s running mate is the new jury duty.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Donald Trump, Election, jury duty
“They say the Verizon guy switched to Sprint but if you watch the commercial he mouths the words: 'Verizon, I’m sorry, they have my family.'”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Verizon, sprint, Cell Phones
“At drive-thrus, I order in a British accent but pay in a French accent. Someday they’ll ask “Where's the British guy?” but so far not yet.””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: british, french, Fast Food, accents
“I know Stan Lee loves making unexpected cameos, but I was pretty surprised to find him in my shower this morning.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: stan lee, Movies, comic con