“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that I’ve got great news. The bad news is that I don’t know what adjectives are.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: adjectives, Words, english
“My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Children, Parenting, Siblings
“Had a dream where evil space creatures intent on destroying humankind land, watch us for a few days, shrug, then take off.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Dreams, Evil, Aliens
“I always bring my baseball glove to the ballpark, just in case a falcon wants to land on my hand.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: baseball, Birds, Sports
“I know it's wrong to generalize, but I just don't like murderers.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: murderers, Murder, Death
“If the object of tennis is to hit the ball into the net and swear a lot, I’m very, very good.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: tennis, Sports, athletic
“Fiji and I used to have the same number of Olympic gold medals. Touché, Fiji.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: olympics, fiji, Success
“Never tell a newly divorced masseuse to 'take your anger out on my shoulders.'””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: massage, Divorce, spa
“If you wear a visor for longer than 3 minutes, you’re legally required to change your name to Trey.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: hats, Summer, clothing
“I don’t take my career for granted, which is why every April I renew my commercial crab fisherman’s license.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Career, back up plan, Fishing
“I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Birds, Nature, Morning
“Upon death, instead of having my whole life flash before my eyes, I just want to watch Season 3 of The Sopranos again.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Television, Death, sopranos
“Kids today learn about sex and Alexander Hamilton much sooner than I did.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Sex, Children, History, broadway
“I’m down to 1%, but that should be just enough to finish this twe”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: cell phone, battery, Twitter
“The days are getting shorter, but do they have to compensate by acting like assholes?”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Time, Days, Funny
“Now that the Olympics are over, I can get back to comparing my body to the athletes on World Series of Poker.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Body Image, athletes, muscles, poker
“I always keep a giant-brimmed ladies’ hat ready, in case I ever need to sit in back of an auction house and mysteriously place a winning bid.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: auction, Mystery, Money
“I'm in Berlin to see the sights and catch some Pokemann.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Pokemon, travel, sightseeing
“If you scream in fake German for 30 seconds, at least one of those made up words will be the name of a German pastry.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: German, Language, food
“I love autumn in California… watching the leaves change color because they’re on fire.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: California, Seasons, Autumn, Fire