Improv is the lowest form of comedy. That whole school of yours is just a bunch of actors so janky-looking, no one will write lines for them, so you have to make them up yourself.
— Stephen Falk, Philippe Iujvidin, Gretchen Cutler, Aya Cash, imdb.com
I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are. You know, like writing the word ‘over’ on the bottom of a letter. As if someone's just going to throw the letter away without trying to turn it over first! Or, when you tast…
There's a lot of people who have that opinion that women aren't as funny or aren't as smart as men. Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going…
I think Diane Sawyer told me she read something that said the cracks in your heart let the sun shine through. I just thought that was beautiful. And it's all part of balance. I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you'r…
I’m funnier than every motherfucking man there is. And that’s how I felt when I was onstage.
Do they really want to do a show with Roseanne Barr? No, they want a thin blonde girl... She’s just funnier than everybody.
I’m the only one who had to do the perp walk. I’m going to have to figure my way out of this and I’m going to have to do it one joke at a time.
That’s the story of my life, honey. They want to suck the comedy out of me and then they want to detach.
"I think in life, the sense of humor and comedy always exists.
They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch comedy, and you get all your local drug dealers, thugs, prostitutes, all of them come in, sit down, and listen to you tell jokes. They the hardest people to make laugh.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
Do not talk to your mother and father when you’re crying. Because what happens is, your mom has the ability to make you weep even more, and your dad makes you feel like a fucking idiot.
Why is it that the street you’re looking for always has a tree from the Mesozoic Era growing around the sign? You’re looking for like Mount Vernon and all you see is like the N. And you drive by going, “That was probably it.”
Let me tell you why women, you win 99.9% of all fights. Yup. Yup, and I’ll tell you why right now. Here it is: because you are mental terrorists. You are brain ninjas and you know how to get in there with your katana and just cut us; and disappear into the night.
It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.
It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.
When you’re in a relationship, when you’re with somebody awful, I call that a relation-shit.
Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck your movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and NO!"
We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.