Quotes tagged ‘condoms’

“The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane — or put your children on a plane — if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks.”

— Rush Limbaugh, amazon.com

“Mox: I’m a good boy. I’ve always been good. What’s my upside to being good? [looks at at box of condoms] I mean, I’m 18 years old, it’s not like I’m married to her. She invited me over. I’m just being polite—right, Kyle? [pause] Kyle? Kyle: I only answer to one name. I am the Great and Honorable Al-…”

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

“Howard: And you don’t wear a rubber? Hugh: Only when it rains.”

— Hiugh Hefner, amazon.com

“[while locked in a public bathroom] Hey, they got this thing on the wall that sells balloons!”

— Steve Slavkin, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen, Michael Bower, imdb.com

“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!”

— Luvh Rakhe, Schmidt, Max Greenfield, imdb.com

“Yas queen! [picks up Magnum condoms]”

— Jonathan Van Ness, imdb.com

“Frank: See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong. Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.”

— Scott Marder, Rob Rosell, David Hornsby, Frank Reynolds, Danny DeVito, imdb.com

“George: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open? Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

“Chandler: Condoms? Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world. Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?”

— Scott Silveri, Chandler Muriel Bing, Matthew Perry, imdb.com

“What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears? To avoid getting hearing AIDS.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.”

— Anonymous, thoughtcatalog.com

“Before unrolling the condom, place a drop of water-based lube on the inside of the condom in the reservoir tip. This helps increase the sensations your boyfriend feels while the condom is on, and may also help in getting the condom onto his penis.”

— Alice, goaskalice.columbia.edu

“When you're ready to roll, pull back his foreskin. Then unroll the condom toward the base of his penis. After the condom is on (remember to pinch gently that reservoir at the tip to remove any air), push the foreskin back toward the tip of his penis, while holding onto the base of the condom to keep…”

— Alice, goaskalice.columbia.edu

“Before you put on the condom, make sure that he is not only erect, but if the foreskin is still covering any part of the penis, gently have him—or help him—pull it back.”

— K. Aleisha Fetters, womenshealthmag.com

“You can pick up some condoms or analgesic sprays like Promescent to help him last longer.”

— Maggie Parker, womenshealthmag.com

“Be safe. Always always always use protection correctly. And know that condoms may not always protect you from everything (herpes, HPV…), so ask questions too (e.g. ‘Do you always use protection?’ and ‘When’s the last time you were tested?’). Oh, yeah, and don’t let a complete stranger tie you up dur…”

— Em Lo, yourtango.com

“Leave an air bubble at the top of the condom: This stops his liquid gold from breaking the condom once he comes.”

— Addriey Jones, elitedaily.com

“When you're done with intercourse, take off the condom -- away from the vulva -- slowly, knot it, and throw it away. When you're pulling the penis out of the vagina, you'll want to hold onto the base of the condom so it doesn't slip off before you're ready for it to come off.”

— Heather Corinna, scarleteen.com

“Safety first. There's no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he's wearing a condom (even if you're on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sex…”

— Ian Kerner, cosmopolitan.com