17 Hilarious Louis CK Quotes About Modern Life That Will Actually Make You Think

17 quotes

I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a shitty body.

“As humans, we waste the shit out of our words. It’s sad. We use words like ‘awesome’ and ‘wonderful’ like they’re candy. It was awesome? Really? It inspired awe? It was wonderful? Are you serious? It was full of wonder? You use the word ‘amazing’ to describe a goddamn sandwich at Wendy’s. What’s goi…”

— Louis CK, esquire.co.uk

Tagged: humanity, Words, Language, Amazing, wonderful

“I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I’m like, ‘I never would have hung out with you. I didn’t choose yo…”

— Louis CK, splitsider.com

Tagged: Child, Childhood, Parenting, Parenthood, Friends

“People say, ‘My phone sucks.’ No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.”

— Louis CK, theodysseyonline.com

Tagged: Technology, Cell Phones, Texting, phones

“I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.”

— Louis CK, en.wikiquote.org

Tagged: Body, Health

“You’ve got to be optimistic to be single. Stupid. You have to be stupid. That’s what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid. An optimist is somebody who goes, ‘Hey, maybe something nice will happen.’ Why the fuck would anything nice happen?”

— Louis CK, youtube.com

Tagged: Optimism, Stupid, Single Life

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.”

— Louis CK, huffingtonpost.com

Tagged: Heartbreak, Pain

“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.”

— Louis CK, books.google.com

Tagged: Bored, Life, love life

“When you first get married, you have a relationship that’s so important to you, and you’re working on it together. But then you have a kid. And you look at your kid and you go, ‘Holy shit, this is my child. She has my DNA. She has my name. I would die for her.’ And you look at your spouse and go, ‘W…”

— Louis C.K, amazon.com

Tagged: kids, Marriage, Children, Family, Love

“God is like a shitty girlfriend.”

— Louis C.K., amazon.com

Tagged: Religion, humor, comedy, God

“You’ve got to embrace discomfort. It’s the only way you can put yourself in situations where you can learn, and the only way you can keep your senses fresh once you’re there.”

— Louis CK, gq.com

Tagged: Don't Give Up, Discomfort, Comfortable In Uncomfortable Situations, learn, Growth

“Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you’re all gonna die and then you’re gonna be dead for way longer than you’re alive. Like that’s mostly what you’re ever gonna be. You’re just dead people that didn’t die yet.”

— Louis CK, amazon.com

Tagged: Death, Life, Living

“‘Fuck it.’ That’s really the attitude that’s keeps a family together. It’s not ‘We love each other!’ It’s ‘Fuck it.’”

— Louis CK, amazon.com

Tagged: Family, Together, Fuck It

“Whenever single people complain about anything, I really want them to shut the fuck up. First of all, if you’re single, your life has no consequence on the earth. Even if you’re helping people aggressively, which you’re fucking not, nobody gives a shit what happens to you. You can die, and it actual…”

— Louis CK, amazon.com

Tagged: Dating, Being Single

“It doesn’t have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it’s a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say, ‘How am I supposed to explain to my children that two men are getting married?" …I dunno. It’s your shitty kid. You fuckin’ tel…”

— Louis CK, tickld.com

Tagged: Gay Marriage, Family, Relationship

“Young guys, they’re afraid of women. They’re afraid of their feelings. ‘My girlfriend’s mad at me!’ Well, later she won’t be, fucking calm down. They’re afraid of their bodies, they’re afraid of women’s bodies. ‘My girlfriend’s having her period, what do I do?’ Fuck her in the period hole, you idiot…”

— Louis CK, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Sex, Dating, Young Couples, Bodies, Women

“Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about.”

— Louis CK, vulture.com

Tagged: difficult, Life, Laughing, humor

“Everything is amazing right now, and nobody's happy. ... Now, we live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don't care. This is what people are like now: they've got their phones and they're like 'ugh, it won't--' GIVE IT A SECOND! It's…”

— Louis CK, youtube.com

Tagged: generation, Millennnial, Technology, Youth, Younger