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A proper bed.

— CN, THIS IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLANE TICKET IN THE WORLD | Etihad A380 The Residence

We all have the one friend who is always talking about sex. They talk about the best sex, the worst sex, sex with themselves, with partners, sexual fantasies, and they ask about our own sex lives.

— Brittney McNamara, 10 Gifts for Your Horniest Friend

Horny gifts

One beer to bury the hatchet.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Erica Vandross, Zoey Deutch, Flower

Beer Resolve Hatchet issues

The way I see it, you've got two options here. You can either superglue your asshole shut and spend the rest of your life running away from this guy like a little bitch, or we can bust his pervy ass and make the motherfucker pay.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Erica Vandross, Zoey Deutch, Flower

Options bust Pay Back Choices

Will: Okay, what do you do for fun? Erica: Watch movies, listen to music, worship the devil. You know, typical teenage shenanigans.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Erica Vandross, Zoey Deutch, Flower

Music Movies Teenage Sassy

I'm serious. I'm like the dick whisperer.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Erica Vandross, Zoey Deutch, Flower

Talent proud serious

Rats are like the most misunderstood creatures on earth, okay? They get blamed for tons of shit like the plague, which wasn't even their fault. Gerbils are actually the ones that are sketchy as fuck.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Erica Vandross, Zoey Deutch, Flower

Rats Misunderstood Plague

Let's just try to be human beings.

— Alex McAulay, Matt Spicer, Max Winkler, Laurie, Kathryn Hahn, Flower

human beings Decent Kind

I feel like his dick has a tax attorney.

— Matt Spicer, Alex McAulay, Max Winkler, Kala, Dylan Gelula, Flower

Tax attorney Personifcation Examples

It increasingly feels like a matter of when, and not if, you will suffer layoffs in this industry. It's a spectral hand just at the back of your neck every single day. And it doesn't matter how hard you work or how talented you are.

— Tyler McCall, Tyler McCall on Media

Media Jobs Layoffs 2019

It’s been a memorable 2019 in the world of news media and politics that we here at Mediaite cover on a daily basis.

— Elura Nanos, Mediaite’s Most Influential in News Media 2019

Media Cliff Notes

Spiritual practices like tarot and astrology have been around for ages, but are now becoming more prominent in wellness culture. Thanks to Twitter, trendy horoscope apps like Co-Star and a wealth of information online, it’s easier than ever to research tarot, read your horoscope and examine your bir…

— Paige Smith, Why People Are Turning To Astrology And Tarot Cards For Their Mental Health

Astrology Mental Health

Consumer, creators, and distributors alike will benefit from collaborative solutions that make content more secure and curtail unauthorized copyright use and distribution, while preserving the customer’s ability to enjoy the content rights they’ve purchased on the network, platform, device, and loca…

— Tom Rutledge, Two men plead guilty to running illegal streaming services with more content than Netflix, Hulu

Media Cliff Notes Copyright

During a meeting, a bunch of programmers tries to one up each other by comparing their keyboards.

— Joma Tech, If American Psycho were about Programmers

Dress nicely. If you’d wear it to Disney World in July it’s probably not first date material.

— Sophia Benoit, How To Have A Great First Tinder Date

Tinder dates

That is the Beyonce of the government.

— Susanna Fogel, David Iserson, Morgan, Kate McKinnon, The Spy Who Dumped Me

Beyonce Government Compliment Fierce metaphor example

She has sex dreams about minions.

— Susanna Fogel, David Iserson, Morgan, Kate McKinnon, The Spy Who Dumped Me

Dreams Sex Minons

Woman, you are incredible and I want you to own it.

— David Iserson, Susanna Fogel, Morgan, Kate McKinnon, The Spy Who Dumped Me

Incredible Own It empowerment

People get caught when they're not confident.

— Susanna Fogel, David Iserson, Morgan, Kate McKinnon, The Spy Who Dumped Me

Caught confident Advice

Can you just use your aggressive masculinity for good instead of evil?

— Susanna Fogel, David Iserson, Morgan, Kate McKinnon, The Spy Who Dumped Me

Masculinity Good Evil

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