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A lot of people think you look back and you say, 'Wow, what a successful career. It’s just amazing. It’s fantastic.' But I remember the flops, too. Those flops don’t go away.

— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again

Success Career flops

What’s so great about being a hitman? They all kill it.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

My father was Catholic and my mother was Protestant. And they both agreed that religion was a bit tricky and they should avoid it in its troublesome sense. And so we had a healthy disrespect for what you might call formal religion. But somehow I found a way to still have a faith. Because you know th…

— Bono, Howard Stern Comes Again

Catholic Protestant Religion Faith

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

I would tell a story about us missing church as a family. We were Lutherans, and then we come in three weeks later and the Church Lady would look at us and say, 'Well, apparently someone just comes to church when it’s convenient.' And those rhythms were getting laughs in the clubs.

— Dana Carvey, Howard Stern Comes Again

Church Lady Lutherans Judgmental

When you’re fifteen and you’re trying to figure out a way to perform, a magic act is perfect. Because you buy a trick and then it’s got patter written in the instructions. You know, 'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...' You memorize that and you’ve got a show.

— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again

Magic Performing Standup Comedy

What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it? A waist of time.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Howard: That’s it. No God. Rodney: No. Howard: You’re a man of science. Rodney: Well, I don’t know about a man of science. But I’m logical.

— Rodney Dangerfield, Howard Stern Comes Again

Death God Science Logic

How do trees get online? They log in.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

What car does Jesus drive? A Christler.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

No. I very, very seldom enjoy myself. The only time I enjoy myself is when I’m being creative and I write something that they appreciate.

— Rodney Dangerfield, Howard Stern Comes Again

Enjohying Yourself

I’ll tell you one quick thing that I can talk about that’s kinda cool. Similar but less dark. I was working on my book, which I’ve sort of stalled on at the moment. But I was working on the book and I was being lazy about saving the book, and I hit some weird key and the thing blanked. I lost eight…

— Billy Corgan, Howard Stern Comes Again

Ghosts Supernatural

I think I know where the hymen is, but thanks.

— Laurie Nunn, Maeve Wiley, Emma Mackey, Episode 1

Knowledge Female Reproductive Parts hymen Sassy

When you’re a kid you tend to be more shallow, and you’re also immature, so you think that being with a good-looking person validates you in some kind of way. It’s not true. It’s ego.

— Gwyneth Paltrow, Howard Stern Comes Again

shallow Immature Validation Ego Good-Looking

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg? He’s all right now.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Yeah, I definitely fell in love with him. He was so gorgeous and sweet. And I mean, he was Brad Pitt! You know?

— Gwyneth Paltrow, Howard Stern Comes Again

brad pitt Falling In Love

It's a fine balance, listening to people without inserting yourself into their reality.

— Laurie Nunn, Jean Milburn, Gillian Anderson, Episode 2

Balance Listening Reality

Of course you see that as the ultimate validation and affirmation that you’re good. So I was thrilled to win. And of course you want to win an Oscar. It’s only once you have one that you’re like, 'Okay, well, I’m still just as confused and unhappy as I was yesterday.' You’re like, 'Huh.'

— Gwyneth Paltrow, Howard Stern Comes Again

Oscar Academy Award Validation affirmation

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