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I started to really examine comedy, and I noticed there’s two kinds of laughter. One is when you’re watching the comedian and he says a joke and then you laugh at it, because you heard the punch line. And sometimes it’s really funny and you’re laughing. And other times it’s okay, but you still laugh…

— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again

comedy Laughter punchline Jokes

Yeah, I am a stool pigeon. I’m a proud stool pigeon.

— Henry Hill, Howard Stern Comes Again

stool pigeon police informant

I just wanted to be myself. I didn’t want to be anything but myself.

— Ellen Degeneres, Howard Stern Comes Again

Being Yourself Encouraging

Congregations were low. He was sort of saying really, 'Get your act together, because we are bigger than Jesus at the moment.' Which infuriated—I still got a picture burnt into my memory of some young blond white kid when we were down in Lord knows where, Alabama or somewhere, hammering on the windo…

— Paul McCartney, Howard Stern Comes Again

John Lennon Alabama The Beatles Bigger than Jesus

Ellen: You don’t need to analyze this dream. I have this little tiny bird. This finch. This beautiful little finch. And I love it so much. And I put it in this beautiful bamboo—one of those tiered bamboo birdcages. As I put it in the cage, the bird becomes me. And I’m still me. And the bird is me in…

— Ellen Degeneres, Howard Stern Comes Again

Dreams Freedom Birds

You know in rom-coms, when the guy finally realizes he's in love with the girl, and he turns up with a boom box outside her house, blasting her favorite song, and everyone in the audience swoons? Yeah, that makes me sick.

— Laurie Nunn, Maeve Wiley, Emma Mackey, Episode 4

Romanic Comedies Love Boy meets girl cliche Sick

What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? There’s no point.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Money doesn’t grow on trees, right? So why does every bank have so many branches?

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

I had no material because I had never done anything. The reason I was funny, I guess, to friends is I would always be observational about situations. One thing I always observed is that people [when they’re eating] would start a sentence and then take a bite. So I started the sentence. I said, 'This…

— Ellen Degeneres, Howard Stern Comes Again

comedy Meta

And you know, whoever was really the thing when you were a teenager—not to make him feel old, but same with Rob Lowe. I worked with Rob Lowe. When Rob Lowe came out of the shower in The Outsiders, I was, like, fourteen. And I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I tell Rob Lowe that all the time.

— Amy Poehler, Howard Stern Comes Again

Rob Lowe Teen Crushes

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Yeah, as soon as I walk into a party, I just want to leave. I just want to go home. I think as I get older, I’ve just gotten more anxiety around other people. I don’t know, I just feel less interested in a lot of people’s energy.

— Amy Poehler, Howard Stern Comes Again

Introvert party

Anyways, I don't do boyfriends.

— Laurie Nunn, Maeve Wiley, Emma Mackey, Episode 4

Relationships Love boyfriends

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

What’s the tallest building in the world? The library, cause it has the most stories.

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

It was kind of like—I don’t know if I want to get into that. But I do think that it’s interesting when you go through a divorce how everybody divorce is, like, not that special. So people are kind of interested, and then they’re just not anymore. It’s kind of like you get all the pain, but really no…

— Amy Poehler, Howard Stern Comes Again

Divorce sympathy

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, 'Spit out your gum' and the other says, 'Choo choo choo.'

— Unknown, 40 Dumb Jokes Based On Smart Wordplay That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny humor

Adam Groff: You said there was gonna be no judgement. Is three viagras bad? Her reaction made it seem like it was bad. I feel lightheaded and I can taste scampi. Maeve Wiley: No wonder. You could besiege a castle with that thing. Adam Groff: I said stop staring at it! Maeve Wiley: Sorry, it's like a…

— Laurie Nunn, Maeve Wiley, Emma Mackey, Episode 1

Viagra accident Pain metaphor example

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