“Bob: [practicing] 'As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all 'past due.' But what does 'past due' even mean, you know? Gene: It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time! Linda: Gene was past due, and he came out fine.”Tagged: Loan Officers, Past Due, Brilliant
“You were right, Bob. I needed to let my baby birds fly. My bratty little baby birds fly with their crappy little wings. Sometimes you gotta push 'em out the window.”Tagged: Alliteration, Baby Birds, Failure to Launch
“You don't want to mess with my sister. She'll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years.”Tagged: little sister, Self-Esteem
“Two people, together forever. Security in life! And someone to love ya! Instead of being all alone, such a lonely existence. I'd kill myself!”Tagged: Security, Loneliness, Commitment, Suicide, Being Alone
“Gene: [about Bob's multitool] Could it kill an eagle? Bob: Why would we want to kill an eagle? Gene: I don't know. They're so condescending.”Tagged: Eagles, Condescending
“Upskirt Kurt: Why'd you head-butt me?! Linda: I was going to punch you, but I'm holding wine.”Tagged: Head Butts, Punch, Etiquette, Protocol, Decorum
“Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!”Tagged: Death Threats, Mouthy, Wife
“Teddy: You know that boat that I've been fixing up? Linda: Yoooou've mentioned it. Teddy: Well, I finally got her shipshape, and I thought it'd be fun to take you all out. Louise: Kill us? Teddy: No, take you out for a boat ride.”Tagged: Threats, invitations, boats
“Linda: I like sandwiches. Bob: You smell like you do. Linda: You smell interesting too. You own a toothbrush, or are you still shopping around?”Tagged: Smell, You Smell, bad breath, sandwiches, insults