Adam: You've read our book? Lydia: Yeah. Adam: You can follow it? Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom? Adam: We were trying to scare your mother. Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.
Catalog
Larry Wilson
These aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules.
Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived! Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here? Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! 'Men's room!' Are you kidding? Can't you read…
Charles: As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a dark room in the basement, okay? Lydia: My whole life is a dark room. One big dark room. Delia: So you were miserable in New York City, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
Delia: Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. Charles: Ha. Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, and I will take you with me!…
[to Lydia, about the owner of the finger he pulled out of a wedding ring] I'm tellin' ya, honey, she meant nothin' to me. Nothin' at all!
Bernard: Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. Otho: Well, of course! You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre. I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers, until the bottom dropped out in '72. Beryl: [cynically] Paranormal—is that what they're calling…
Barbara: [after Jane did not hear Adam call her] She didn't see you, right? Adam: Uh-uh. Barbara: [reading the handbook] In the book: 'Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead.' Adam: 'Won't' or 'can't'? Barbara: It just says 'won't'. God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand…
Beetlejuice: I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action... [a brothel appears, he dances with joy] Hey Adam, nice move! Barbara: Adam, why did you build that?…
Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.
Things seem pretty quiet. Thank God you didn't die in Italy.
This house is so big. It really ought to belong to people who have children.
They wanted me to dissect a frog, I told them it was against my religion.
[Trying to get Lydia to say his name three times] No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. Just SAY IT!
Charles: I'm not sure this is the right environment for Lydia. Snakes, ghosts... Delia: Shrimp.
Adam: How is it that you can see us but nobody else can? Lydia: Well, I read in that Handbook For The Recently Deceased. It says, 'Live people ignore the strange and unusual.' I, myself, am strange and unusual. Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.
[reading obituary] Ooh-la-la, what have we got here? The Maitlands. [laughs] Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too! [more laughing]
[Evaluating her new home] A little gasoline...blowtorch...no problem.
Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you? Beetlejuice: Dead. Dead, dead, deadski. Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased—ahh. Lydia: Are you a ghost, too? Beetlejuice: I'm a ghost with the most,…
Very Dumb Football Player: [the football players have re-entered Juno's office] Coach? Juno: What? Very Dumb Football Player: [looking disturbed] I don't think we survived that crash. Juno: [sarcastically] How did you guess?