“Weatherman: Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr! Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.”Tagged: Cold Weather, fatass
“Max Goldman: [Knows that John is hiding and listening, but can't give himself away] You mean the lowlife, asswipe, egg-sucker John Gustafson? Snyder: Have you seen him? Max Goldman: The man's crazy. Loco. Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take their…”Tagged: asswipe, egg-sucker, lowlife, Drinking, medication
“If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.”Tagged: Nude Scene
“Max Goldman: You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae. John Gustafson: Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize. Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize! Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: Well, that's…”Tagged: arguments, Alzheimer's
“Max Goldman: You know what Jacob said? Jacob said old Billy Hensel was killed in a car crash. Cleared his car straight off the bridge into the Mississippi. John Gustafson: Lucky bastard. Max Goldman: You bet. John Gustafson: Hey, how is he, anyway? Max Goldman: Dead! Died on impact! John Gustafson:…”Tagged: Mississippi River, Moron
“Jacob: You're a child. Max Goldman: Don't tell me, Jacob; it isn't me. Jacob: Oh it never is. Uh huh, I'm sure John started every fight since 1940. Max Goldman: ’38.”Tagged: Fighting, Nitpicking
“Max: I knew your old man longer than I knew my own. John: He was always very fond of you, Max. Max: He was a good man. John: The best. Max: You know I didn't mean what I said about Melanie. John: And you know how I really feel about Jacob. Max: Yeah, well, he deserves to be happy. John: He deserves…”Tagged: Drinking, Memories
“John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it. Max Goldman: What's your point?”Tagged: Sour Mllk, Apathy
“[TV on] Geraldo: ‘Lesbian Bandits’ next on Geraldo. Max: Ooooh, lesbians yummy.”Tagged: Lesbians, Geraldo Rivera, Trash TV, Yummy
“John Gustafson: I am going down and apologizing to Maria. Max Goldman: You traitor, you Benedict Arnold. John Gustafson: Yeah, yeah. Max Goldman: Finally. I didn't think he would last that long. [Grabs milk and smells it] Max Goldman: Smells all right to me.”Tagged: Apologies, Traitor, Benedict Arnold
“John Gustafson: Here, drop anchor. Max Goldman: You cut the anchor, you dumbass. John Gustafson: All right, then grab the net. Max Goldman: You cut that, too, you dickhead.”Tagged: Dumbass, dickhead
“Max: I am the gangster of love. John: Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a holdup than a stickup? Max: Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning.”Tagged: Gangster, holdup, stickup, erectile dysfunction, Juvenile
“[singing] I just met a girl named Maria! And now I plainly see, she's not the bitch I thought she would be!”Tagged: West Side Story, Bitch
“If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.”Tagged: dog, ugly, ass-shaving