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Miriam “Midge” Maisel

45 quotes

All upset (6)Sassy (5)Love (4)Life (3)romance (2)comedy (2)Money (2)Woman (2)Questions (2)Christmas (2)Ownership (2)joke (2)Heard (1)Mansions (1)blonde (1)

From “Put That On Your Plate!”

Why do we have to pretend to be stupid when we're not stupid? Why do we have to pretend to be helpless when we're not helpless? Why do we have to pretend we're not hungry when we're hungry?

pretending

Calling that thing a house is like calling the Vatican a church.

Mansions Big Homes Examples of Similes

From “Pilot”

I’m officially losing my mind, which is perfect. Now I will be alone and crazy, the famous mad divorcée of the upper West Side.

losing my mind Divorce Upper West Side Perfect crazy

I loved him. And I showed him I loved him.

Love Prove

All that shit they say about Jewish girls in the bedroom? Not true. There are French whores standing around the Marais District saying [French accent], “Did you hear what Midge did to Joel’s balls the other night?”

Sex not true french accent

He packed up my suitcase and left.

suitcase Ownership Left

Oh, I’m going to have to lie to the rabbi about why Joel’s not there. Lying to the rabbi on Yom Kippur! I couldn’t get a clean slate for one fucking day

Lie rabbi Clean Slate upset

It’s downtown. If you have underwear on, you’re overdressed.

Downtown New York Bohemian

From “The Disappointment of the Dionne Quintuplets”

Tell Ethan I’ll pick him up tomorrow. Don’t baptize him while I’m gone.

baptize Sassy Motherhood upset

You said you didn’t want our life. But this is our life. You didn’t go somewhere exotic or different, you went across the fucking street

Life situation upset

So this is what you were missing Joel? Pot roast and Santa Claus?

Missing Pot Roast santa clause Sassy

I don’t have my apartment anymore. You have my apartment. You have a lot of my things, actually. You’re welcome.

apartment Sassy You're Welcome Things

You know, it’s funny. I thought I’d find you squatting in some downtown smoke-filled atelier, not two blocks away, living the Methodist version of our life.

downtown squatting Methodist Lives

If women don’t realize what’s going on in the world, they won’t step in and fix it.

Woman feminism

From “Mrs. X at the Gaslight”

For Christmas, a gentile would get a bike as a reminder that their parents love them. For Hanukkah, we would get socks as a reminder that we were persecuted.

Christmas bike parental love Socks gifts

Me, personally, I was never great at gift-giving. Maybe it’s because I never got to celebrate Christmas. I got Hanukkah. Doesn’t exactly prepare you the same way.

gift giving Prepare Hannukkah Christmas

It looks like it ate all the other mezuzahs.

big Personification Examples ate

From “Ya Shivu v Bolshom Dome Na Kholme”

Like, it’s Adam and Eve time, and I marry Adam’s son, Cain. We get a nice little place, we’re very happy, and then one day Cain leaves me for, I don’t know, his brother Abel, because there’s only four fucking people on the planet at this point! And then Adam, Adam takes my house and tells me to do…

Adam And Eve Comparrison upset unfair

See, my life completely fell apart today, and here’s why. My father-in-law owns my house. And he took it back when his son left me. Actually, that doesn’t sound funny at all.

father in law Ownership House upset tricky situation

From “All Alone”

Tonight just for tonight I really need to be with someone who loves me.

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